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and　stealing　the　spotlight　from　Blair　and　Serena　was　no　easy　feat。　

Elise　picked　up　an　onion　ring；　took　a　tiny　bite；　and　dropped　it　on　the　plate　again。　？What　made　
you　change　your　mind？？　she　asked。　

？You　don？t　have　to　answer　that；？　Blair　interrupted；　remembering　something　Ms。　Doherty　had　
said　in　their　training　session　about　not　pushing　the　members　of　the　group　to　open　up　before　they　
were　ready。　She　glanced　at　her　coleader。　Serena　was　busy　examining　her　split　ends　with　a　dreamy；　
faraway　look；　as　if　she　hadn？t　heard　a　word　anyone　had　said。　Blair　turned　back　to　Jenny　and　tried　
to　think　of　something　reassuring　to　say　so　Jenny　wouldn？t　feel　like　she　was　the　only　one　in　the　
group　with　breast…size　issues。　

？I　always　wanted　bigger　breasts。　I？ve　seriously　considered　getting　implants。？　It　wasn？t　a　total　lie。　
She　was　only　a　B　cup　and　had　always　aspired　to　a　C。　

　Who　hasn？t？　

？Really？？　Serena　demanded；　drifting　back　to　earth。　？Since　when？？　

Blair　took　another　angry　bite　of　cake。　Was　Serena　purposely　trying　to　sabotage　her　leadership　
skills？　？You　don？t　know　everything　about　me；？　she　snapped。　

Cassie；　Vicky；　and　Mary　kicked　each　other　under　the　table。　This　was　so　exciting！　Serena　van　der　
Woodsen　and　Blair　Waldorf　were　having　a　fight；　and　they　were　witnessing　every　word　of　it！　

Elise　bed　her　chewed…on　fingernails　through　her　thick　blond　bob。　？I　think　it　was　really；　um；　
amazing　of　you　to　tell　us　about　that；　Jenny。？　She　smiled　shyly　at　Jenny。　？And　I　think　it　was　brave　
of　you　not　to　do　it。？　

Blair　scowled。　Why　hadn？tshe　said　something　about　how　brave　Jenny　was　instead　of　making　that　
outrageous　statement　about　wanting　implants？　Who　knew　what　these　stupid　freshmen　were　going　


to　say　about　her　once　the　group　broke　up？　Then　she　remembered　something　else　Ms。　Doherty　had　
gone　over　in　their　training　session。　

？Oops。　I　think　we　were　supposed　to　say　something　about　confidentiality　before　we　started。　You　
know；　like；　nothing　we　say　here　will　be　repeated　outside　the　group；　or　whatever？？　

Too　late。　In　a　matter　of　minutes　every　girl　in　the　school　would　be　discussing　Blair　Waldorf？s　
uping　breast…implant　job。I　heard　she？s　waiting　until　the　day　after　graduation　。　。　。　etc。；　etc。　

Jenny　shrugged。　？It？s　okay。　I　don？t　care　who　you　tell。？　It　wasn？t　like　she　could　hide　her　
enormous　boobs　anyway。　They　were　justthere　。　

Elise　bent　down　and　picked　up　her　beige　Kenneth　Cole　backpack。　？Um；　there　are　only　eight　
minutes　left　before　the　bell　rings。　Is　it　all　right　if　I　go　out　and　buy　a　yogurt　now？？　she　asked。　

Serena　nudged　the　plate　of　onion　rings　towards　Elise。　？Have　some　more　of　these；？　she　offered　
generously。　

Elise　shook　her　head；　her　freckled　face　flushed　pink。　？No；　thanks。　I　don？t　eat　in　public。？　

Serena　frowned。　？Really？　That？s　weird。？　She　winced　as　Blair　elbowed　her　in　the　arm；hard　。　？Ow！　
God；　what　was　that　for？？　

？Maybe　if　you？d　actually　gone　to　peer　group　leader　training；　you？d　get　it；？　Blair　growled　under　
her　breath。　

？Can　I　go　now？？　Elise　asked　again。　

It　occurred　to　Blair　that　the　peer　group　freshmen　would　really　love　her　if　she　let　them　all　go　early。　
She　could　use　the　extra　eight　minutes　to　get　to　the　hair　salon　on　time　anyway。　？You　canall　go；？　she　
said；　smiling　sweetly；　？unless　you　really　want　to　stay　and　listen　to　Serena　talk　aboutlove　for　the　
rest　of　the　period。？　

Serena　stretched　her　arms　over　her　head　and　grinned　up　at　the　ceiling。　？I　could　talk　about　love　all　
day。？　

Jenny　stood　up。　Ever　since　Nate　had　ditched　her；　love　was　the　last　thing　she　wanted　to　talk　about。　
Funny？she？d　thought　Blair　was　going　to　be　the　peer　group　leader　she　couldn？t　deal　with；　but　it　
was　turning　out　to　be　Serena。　

Elise　stood　up；　too；　tugging　on　her　oversized　pink　turtle…neck　sweater　as　if　it　was　too　tight。　？No　
offense；　but　if　I　don？t　eat　a　yogurt　before　lunch　is　over；　I？m　going　to　pass　out　in　geometry。？　

？I？ll　e　buy　one　with　you；？　Jenny　told　her；　using　that　as　an　excuse　to　leave　the　table。　


？I　may　as　well　walk　out　with　you　guys；？　Blair　yawned；　standing　up；　too。　

？Where　are　you　going？？　Serena　demanded　innocently。　Normally　on　Mondays　after　lunch　the　two　
girls　spent　their　luxurious　double　free　period　at　Jackson　Hole；　drinking　cappuccinos　and　making　
wild　and　fabulous　plans　for　the　summer　after　graduation。　

？None　of　your　business；？　Blair　snapped。　She？d　been　going　to　invite　Serena　to　e　with　her　to　
the　salon；　but　now　that　Serena　was　being　such　a　self…involved　princess　bitch；　that　was　totally　out　
of　the　question。　She　flipped　her　hair　over　her　shoulder　and　slung　her　bag　over　her　arm。　？See　you　
guys　next　week；？　she　added　to　Mary；　Vicky；　and　Cassie　as　she　followed　Jenny　and　Elise　through　
the　exit　and　up　the　back　stairs　to　Ninety…third　Street。　

Back　in　the　crowded　cafeteria；　Vicky　leaned　forward　across　the　half…empty　table。　？So；tell　us；？　
she　urged　Serena。　

Mary　took　a　sip　of　one…percent　milk　and　nodded　eagerly。　？Yes；　yes。Tell　。？　

Cassie　tightened　her　light　brown　ponytail。　？Tell　useverything　。？　

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ABC　Amber　LIT　Converter　v2。02　
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Disclaimer：　All　the　real　names　of　places；　people；　and　events　have　been　altered　or　abbreviated　to　
protect　the　innocent。　Namely；　me。　

　hey　people！　

Aren？t　we　special？　

So　the　rumor　floating　around　about　the　Ivies　not　accepting　anyone　early　this　year　turned　out　to　be　
totally　false。　Hooray？some　of　us　got　in！　I　know　we？re　feeling　pretty　special；　but　if　we　start　
partying　like　it？s　2099；　drinking　champagne　before　homeroom　and　cutting　half　our　classes；　we？re　
going　to　wind　up　with　only　each　other　to　party　with；　because　all　our　other　friends　are　going　to　hate　
our　guts。　Try　to　keep　it　to　yourselves　if　you　can；　at　least　until　April　when　the　rest　of　the　class　finds　
out　where　they？re　going。　It？s　for　your　own　good；　I　promise。　

　TheL　word　

With　Valentine？s　Day　less　than　a　week　away；　love　is　in　the　aireverywhere　。　It？s　on　the　tips　of　our　


tongues。　It？s　what　we？re　thinking　about　before　we　fall　asleep。　We　catch　ourselves　and　our　
neighbors　doodling　corny　hearts　in　math　class。　But　just　because　the　world　has　turned　into　one　
gigantic　BEMINEcandy　heart　doesn？t　mean　we　have　to　go　around　making　promises　we　can？t　keep。　
Using　theL　word　in　intimate　settings　can　be　dangerous。　I　prefer　to　use　it　more　generally；　as　in；I　
love　you　all　。　And　I　mean　that；　I　really　do！

　Sightings　

Nskulking　downMadison　Avenue　with　his　hands　in　his　coat　pockets；　looking　uncharacteristically　
tense　and　preoccupied。V　andD　kissing　inShakespeare　Books　；　nearNYU　？aw；　howcute　。B　
atSigerson　Morrison　inNoHo；　trying　on　pair　of　shoes　in　the　store。S　inFetch　onBleecker　Street　；　
buying　another　irresistible　doggie　outfit　for　her　favorite　pooch。J　and　her　new　friend；E　；　giggling　in　
the　feminine…hygiene　aisle　at　Duane　Reade。　Ah；　youth。　AndA　；　stocking　up　on　used　reggae　records　
at　a　tiny　unnamed　shop　on　East　Third　Street。　He？s　got　to　have　something　to　listen　to　while　he　

blows　off　the　rest　of　second　semester。　

　Your　e…mail　

Q：？　？　Dear　GG；　

I　heard　that　dealer　who　used　to　work　in　the　pizza　place　got　busted　by　the　NYPD　and　now　he？s　

doing　time　as　a　narc　in　the　park；　busting　all　his　old　customers。　

　？Dawg　

A：？　？　Dear　Dawg；　

That　sounds　like　a　bad　TNT　movie。　I　just　hope　none　of　our　friends　end　up　starring　in　it。　

　？GG　

Q：？　？　Dear　GossipG；　

I　totally　forgot　to　tell　you　before；　but　I　saw　that　little　freshman　with　the　giant　boobs　in　the　waiting　

room　of　my　cosmetic　surgeon。　
She　was　looking　at　a　book　calledCelebrity　Breasts　。　I？m　serious。　Like；　totally　choosing　which　

ones　she　was　going　to　get。

　？tattletail　

A：？　？　Dear　tattle；　

That？s　all　very　interesting；　but　pray　tail？I　mean　tell？why　wereyou　there？　


　？GG　

As　if　you　weren？t　already　excited　enough　。　。　。　

Now　that　the　early　admissions　thing　is　over；　we　can　focus　on　something　truly　important：　Fashion　
Week。　It　starts　this　Friday；　and　all　my　favorite　people　will　be　there；　including　me。　See　you　in　the　
front　row！　

You　know　you　love　me。　

　gossip　girl　

scrawny　westside　poet　has　first　taste　of　fame　

On　his　way　to　Riverside　Prep　Tuesday　morning；　Dan　stopped　at　the　newsstand　on　Seventy…ninth　
and　Broadway　to　buy　the　Valentine？s　Day　issue　ofThe　New　Yorker　and　a　large　black　coffee　that　
tasted　like　it　had　been　made　three　years　ago？just　the　way　he　liked　it。　The　cover　ofThe　New　Yorker　
was　an　illustration　of　Noah？s　Ark　docked　at　a　pier　in　New　York　Harbor；　with　the　Statue　of　Liberty　
looming　in　the　background。　The　wordsThe　Love　Boat　were　painted　on　the　side　of　the　ark；　and　all　
of　the　animals　lined　up　to　board　were　holding　hands　and　kissing　and　groping　each　other。　It　was　
pretty　funny。　Dan　stood　on　the　corner　and　lit　an　unfiltered　Camel　with　trembling　fingers　as　he　
turned　back　the　cover　and　searched　the　table　of　contents　for　his　poem。　There　it　was　under　Poems：　
Daniel　Humphrey；　page　forty…two；　？Sluts。？　He　flipped　to　it；　forgetting　all　about　the　burning　
cigarette　propped　between　his　lips。　Page　forty…two　happened　to　be　the　ninth　page　of　a　
fourteen…page　story　by　Gabriel　Garcia　Rhodes　called　？Amor　con　los　Gatos？？？Love　with　
Cats？？and　right　there；　in　the　middle　of　the　story；　was　Dan？s　poem。　

Wipe　the　sleep　from　my　eyes　and　pour　me　another　cup。　

I　see　what　you？ve　been　trying　to　tell　me　all　along；　

Shaving　your　head　and　handling　me　（so　delicately）　

With　satin　and　lace：

　You？re　a　whore。　

It　was　freezing　outside；　but　nervous　sweat　beaded　on　Dan？s　eyelids；　and　his　tongue　was　as　dry　as　
firewood。　Dan　spat　the　burning　cigarette　out　onto　the　sidewalk　and　closed　the　magazine；　tucking　it　
into　his　black　messenger　bag。　If　he？d　turned　to　the　Contributors　page；　he　would　have　seen　the　


entry：Daniel　Humphrey　（Poem；　p。　42）　is　a　high…school　senior　in　New　York　City。　This　is　his　first　
published　work。　But　Dan　couldn？t　handle　looking　at　the　magazine　for　a　moment　longer；　not　when　
thousands　of　people　were　right　now　browsing　through　it　and　stopping　to　read　his　brutal；　angry　
poem；　which　he　honestly　wasn？t　sure　was　any　good。　Dan　walked　down　Broadway　toward　school；　
his　hands　shaking　crazily。　If　only　he　could　have　pulled　off　some　heist　like　sabotaging　theThe　New　
Yorker　？s　printing　presses　so　they　couldn？t　print　vowels　anymore。　Then　all　the　Valentine？s　Day　
issues　would　have　been　recalled　from　the　newsstands　late　last　night。　

As　if　he　could　ever　have　pulledthat　off。　

？Yo；　dude；？　Dan　heard　the　familiar；　conceited　voice　of　his　least…favorite　Riverside　Prep　classmate　
behind　him。　Dan　stopped　walking　and　turned　around　to　see　Chuck　Bass　flipping　his　signature　navy　
blue　monogrammed　cashmere　scarf　over　one　shoulder　and　running　his　manicured　fingers　through　
his　brown…and…blond　highlighted　hair。　？Nice　poem　inThe　New　Yorker　；　man。？　He　gave　Dan　a　
congratulatory　clap　on　the　shoulder；　his　monogrammed　pinky　ring　glittering　in　the　winter　
sunlight。　？Who　knew　you　were　such　a　stud？？　

Was　there　something　distinctlygay　about　Chuck　Bass　these　days？　Or　perhaps　not。　Just　because　
he？d　gotten　blond　highlights　and　was　wearing　a　slim；　cream…colored　wool　coat　by　Ralph　
Laurenand　orange　leather　Prada　sneakers　didn？t　mean　he？d　given　up　molesting　defenseless；　
drunken　girls　at　parties。　Perhaps　he　was　simply　expressing　himself。　

There？s　certainly　nothing　wrong　with　that。　

？Thanks；？　Dan　mumbled　as　he　fiddled　with　the　plastic　top　on　his　coffee　cup。　He　wondered　if　
Chuck　was　planning　on　walking　all　the　way　to　school　with　him　so　they　could　discuss　his　poem。　
But　then　Dan？s　cell　phone　rang；　saving　him　from　having　to　answer　Chuck？s　inane　questions　about　
how　many　chicks　he？d　bagged　before　writing　the　poem；　or　whatever　Chuck　Bass　liked　to　talk　
about　on　his　way　to　school　in　the　mornings。　

Dan　put　the　phone　to　his　ear　and　Chuck　clapped　him　on　the　shoulder　again　and　kept　walking。　

　？Hello？？　

？Congratulations；　Danielson！？　Rufus　shouted　into　the　phone。　His　father　never　got　out　of　bed　
before　eight　o？clock；　so　this　was　the　first　time　Dan　had　spoken　to　him　all　morning。　？You？re　the　
real　banana；　the　genuine　article！The　New　Yorker　；　the　goddamnedNew　Yorker　！？　

Dan　chuckled；　feeling　slightly　ashamed。　Countless　notebooks　filled　with　his　father？s　odd；　
disjo