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？Hold　on。？　Serena　tossed　her　phone　behind　her；　accidentally　hitting　Blair　in　the　nose。　

Blair　had　been　happily　ensconced　in　one　of　her　epic　movielike　reveries　starring　herself　and　Nate　
naked　on　a　beach　in　St。　Barts；　kissing　on　the　sand　while　the　waves　splashed　over　their　bodies；　
exactly　like　Deborah　Kerr　and　Burt　Lancaster　inFrom　Here　to　Eternity。　She　took　the　phone。　
Probably　it　was　her　mother；　wondering　why　there　was　a　10；000　charge　at　Tod？s　on　her　AmEx。　

？Hello？？　she　said　with　some　annoyance。　Nate？s　leg　was　so　warm　against　hers。　She　rested　her　
head　on　his　shoulder；　seeking　fort　while　she　prepared　to　have　an　extremely　annoying　
conversation。　？What　is　it　now；　Mom？？　

？No；　it？s　me；　Jason；？　a　boy？s　voice　responded　gruffly　on　the　other　end。　

Blair　lifted　her　head　from　Nate？s　shoulder　and　held　the　phone　away　from　her　face。Who？　

She　glanced　at　Nate？s　profile。　He　was　beginning　to　nod　off；　and　she　wanted　to　grab　him　and　slip　
her　hands　under　his　shirt；　just　to　feel　his　warm　skin　beneath　her　fingers。　

？Hello？　Blair？？　Jason？s　voice　squawked　out　of　Serena？s　phone。　Blair　snapped　the　phone　shut　
and　tossed　it　into　the　passenger　seat。　


？Blair！？　Serena　scolded。　The　two　girls　giggled；　sharing　a　glance　through　their　reflections　in　the　
rearview　mirror。　

Nate　shifted　in　his　seat。　？What？s　so　funny？？　he　mumbled；　making　them　laugh　even　harder。　

Then　Blair　turned；　catching　Nate　staring　right　at　her。　But　before　he　could　look　away；　embarrassed；　
she　let　one　eye…lid　fall　in　the　sexiest；　most　unexpected　wink　Nate　had　ever　seen。　？Can　I　have　a　
smoke？？　she　finally　asked；　gently　biting　her　glistening…pink　bottom　lip。　

？Sure。？　He　dug　into　his　pockets　for　the　pack。Anything　for　you。　

　Aw。　

Sunrise　must　have　happened　during　the　four　minutes　it　took　them　to　speed　through　the　Midtown　
Tunnel　and　into　the　city：　the　sky　was　dark　purple　when　Serena　steered　them　into　the　gaping　mouth　
of　the　tunnel；　and　by　the　time　the　little　roadster　emerged　on　the　streets　of　Manhattan；　the　sun　was　
up；　the　cars　were　honking；　and　it　was　already　starting　to　get　hot。　

Nate　tried　not　to　be　too　obvious　about　watching　Blair；　which　was　hard　because　she　was　so　close　
he　could　smell　her；　could　imagine　the　weight　of　her　body　against　his　if　she　happened　to　nod　off　to　
sleep；　could　conjure　the　soft　feeling　of　her　lips　and　tongue　against　his　on　the　off　chance　they　just　
started　making　out　right　there　in　the　backseat。　

Stop　it。　Focus。？Just　drive　downtown。？　Nate　locked　eyes　with　Serena　in　the　rearview　mirror。Did　
she　know　what　he　was　thinking？　Did　she　see　something？　

Not　that　she　was　uncool　enough　to　say　anything。　

？Aye；　aye；　captain。？　Serena　made　a　wide　right　onto　the　FDR　Drive　that　sent　Nate　and　Blair　
hurling　to　the　left　as　she　did。　

？Don？t　kill　us。？　Blair　tucked　her　wind…whipped　hair　behind　her　ears。　

？Don？t　worry。？　Nate　gave　her　right　knee　a　reassuring　squeeze。　

Blair　looked　up　at　him；　her　eyes　glazed　and　sleepy　but　the　same　brilliant　blue　they？d　always　been。　
She　smiled　and　rested　her　head　on　his　shoulder；　still　looking　up　at　him。　

Nate　grinned　back；　feeling　foolish　and　a　little　embarrassed；　like　he　was　fifteen　again。　He　lost　
himself　in　the　sensation　of　the　wind　in　his　hair；　the　thrum　of　the　road　beneath　him；　the　smell　of　the　
girl　he　loved　leaning　against　him。　It　took　ten　minutes　for　Serena　to　zip　through　the　early　morning　
traffic　on　the　highway；　and　five　minutes　of　navigating　the　twisting　downtown　streets　before　they　
reached　the　docks　at　Battery　Park；　where　Captain　Archibald　kept　theCharlotte　docked。　


？We？re　here；　kids；？　Serena　announced；　playing　mommy　as　she　guided　the　tiny　car　into　a　curbside　
parking　spot　and　turned　off　the　ignition。　？Ready　to　sail？？　

Nate　opened　the　door　and　clambered　out　of　the　back…seat。　He　breathed　in　the　mingling　scent　of　
traffic　and　salt　water　and　warm　asphalt；　it　was　a　mix　of　everything　he　loved？the　city；　especially　in　
the　early　morning；　and　the　sea…side；　where　he？d　spent　the　happiest　weeks　of　his　life。　Maybe　he？d　
been　cooped　up　in　the　tiny　backseat　for　too　long；　or　maybe　he　was　just　excited　at　the　thought　of　
the　illicit　cruise　he　was　about　to　undertake；　but　whatever　the　reason；　Nate　actually　started　to　run；　
dodging　pedestrians　and　leaping　over　a　low　gate　that　separated　the　docks　from　the　street。　The　
rubber　soles　of　his　flip…flops　thwacked　noisily　against　the　ashy　wood　slats　of　the　dock。　His　heart　
was　pounding　in　his　ears：　it　was　really；　finally　happening？the　summer　was　beginning　at　last。　Once　
he　and　Blair　stepped　on　board　that　boat；　every…thing　would　change。　

？Sir？　Sir？？　A　uniformed　dockhand　was　running　down　the　pier　toward　Nate；　waving　his　hands　in　
the　air　above　his　head　like　bees　were　attacking　him。　？This　is　private　property；　sir；　you？re　going　to　
have　to　leave。？　

？I？m　looking　for　my　boat；？　Nate　explained；　scanning　the　forest　of　masts　for　its　familiar　profile。　
He？d　helped　his　dad　build　the　thing？he？d　have　known　the　boat　anywhere。　？TheCharlotte。　It？s　
around　here　somewhere。　I　want　to　take　her　out。？　

？TheCharlotte？　？　The　dockhand？a　college…age　kid　who　seemed　cool　enough？stared　at　Nate；　
clearly　confused。　？The　Archibald　boat？？　

？Yeah。？　Nate　nodded；　glancing　behind　him：　Blair　and　Serena　were　perched　on　the　security　gate；　
swinging　their　legs　in　the　air　and　laughing　at　something。　？It？s　my　family？s　boat。　Can　you　give　me　
the　slip　number？？　

？Sorry；　man。？　The　dockhand　shook　his　head；　slowly。　？She？s　not　here。　Captain　Archibald　sailed　
up　to　Newport　at　the　beginning　of　June？he　told　me　he　was　planning　on　keeping　her　there　for　the　
season。？　

Shit。Nate　frowned　at　the　dockhand；　then　looked　back　at　Blair　once　more。　She　was　kicking　her　
little　tan　legs　up　and　down　when　a　sudden　gust　of　wind　off　the　water　caused　her　gauzy　dress　to　
flutter　up　around　her　waist。　Underneath　she　was　wearing　pale　pink　cotton　underwear。　He　could　
just　make　out　little　white　polka　dots　decorating　them。　

Forget　the　boat：　for　now　all　he　wanted　was　to　lie　down　next　to　her；　hold　her　hand；　and　never　let　
go。　

the　truth　es　out　。　。　。　and　so　does　d　


？Male。　Ball。　Male；　ball。　Male　balls。？　

Dan　groaned　and　flopped　over　in　the　soft；　once…white；　now　coffee…and…nicotine…stained　sheets　of　
his　bed。Male　balls？　Sweating　profusely；　he　rocked　his　head　from　side　to　side。　

？You　awake　in　there？？　Rufus　Humphrey；　Dan？s　
boisterous…and…eccentric…editor…of…lesser…known…Beat…poets　dad　banged　on　the　bedroom　door　
urgently。　？Mail　call！　Mail　call！　Are　you　listening？？　

？Mail　call！？　Dan　sat　upright　in　bed。Mail　call；　you　idiot；　not　male　balls。　？I？m　awake；？　he　
announced；　his　voice　cracking。　

？Remind　me　to　tell　you　about　the　early　bird　and　the　worm　sometime！？　Rufus　stormed　into　Dan？s　
bedroom　purpose…fully；　clad　in　a　typically　demented　outfit：　a　pair　of　carpenter？s　pants　splattered　
with　the　same　dingy　off…white　paint　that　cov…ered　the　apartment？s　walls？making　them　around　
nineteen　years　old？and　an　officialBreakfast　at　Fred？s　crew　jacket　he　must　have　pilfered　from　a　pile　
of　Vanessa？s　dirty　laundry。　It　was　unzipped；　revealing　a　chest　of　furry　gray　hair。　He　held　a　massive　
cardboard　box　that　someone　had　haphazardly　sealed　with　twine；　butcher　paper；　bubble　wrap；　and　
two　kinds　of　tape。The　word　FRAGILE　was　scrawled　all　over　the　box　in　five　different　languages。　
Rufus　dropped　the　package　onto　the　bed。　？You？ve　got　mail。？　

？Jesus。？　Dan　picked　up　the　ungainly　box。　He　could　have　tossed　it　into　the　air；　it　was　so　light。　？It　
doesn？t　feel　like　there？s　even　anythinginside　here。？　

？Open　it；　open　it；？　Rufus　urged。　？Your　sister　sent　it　all　this　way　and　the　shipping　could　not　have　
been　cheap；　so　I？m　guessing　there？s　something　good　in　there。？　

？Sure。？　Dan　started　tugging　at　the　twine。　

？I　didn？t　hear　you　e　in　last　night。？　Rufus　grinned　down　at　Dan。　？Guess　your　first　meeting　
went　pretty　well；　huh？　Stayed　up　late；　debating　the　merits　of　the　minor　Shakespeare　plays；　did　
you？？　

？Something　like　that。？　Dan　burrowed　through　another　layer　of　paper　before　finally　reaching　the　
flaps　of　the　cardboard　box。　If　there　had　been　any　discussion　at　all　the　previous　night；　he　couldn？t　
remember　it。　He　could　barely　remember　anything　except　the　sensation　of　Greg？s　tongue　on　his；　
the　fuzz　of　Greg？s　facial　hair　against　his　own　stubble。　

Eek。　

？I　remember　my　old　salon　days。？　Rufus　perched　on　the　windowsill　and　watched　as　his　son　
reached　into　the　depths　of　the　cardboard　box。　Dan　pulled　out　fistful　after　fistful　of　crumpled…up　
newspaper。　？We　had　some　pretty　crazy　times　back　then。？　


？It　wasn？t　so　crazy；？　Dan　replied　defensively。　At　last　his　hand　gripped　something　firm　inside　the　
mush　of　newspaper。　Grabbing　hold　tightly；　he　pulled　on　the　narrow　object　until　it　popped　out　and　
the　loose　cardboard　shell　fell　to　the　ground；　showering　balled…up　newspaper　all　over　his　floor。　

Rufus　laughed。　？Too　bad。　You　kids　today。　No　passion；　no　guts。　I　remember　back　when　I　was　your　
age；　me　and　some　friends；　we？d　go　out　to　the　lakes；　up　in　New　England。　Camp　out；　write　poetry；　
stay　up　all　night　talking。？　

Dan　half…listened　as　he　pondered　the　object　in　his　hands：　it　was　about　two　feet　long　and　wrapped　
tightly　in　a　cocoon　of　bubble　wrap　and　packing　tape。　He　dug　at　the　wrapping　with　his　fingernail；　
anxiously　going　over　the　events　of　the　night　before。　How　far　had　he　gone　with　Greg　exactly？　How　
had　he　gotten　back　home？　He　had　almost　no　memory　of　putting　himself　to　bed。　And　he？d　woken　
up　in　just　his　favorite　pair　of　red　Gap　boxer　shorts？had　he　been　wearing　them　yesterday？　He　
couldn？t　remember。　

Rufus　had　a　faraway　look　in　his　eye　as　he　continued：　？I　remember　this　one　afternoon；　out　on　the　
lake；　things　got　pretty　heated。　We　were　all　out　skinny…dipping　and　I　had　this　very　passionate　
argument　with　Crews　Whitestone？you　know；　the　playwright。　We　were　arguing　about　the　elemental　
nature　of　truth；　and　things　just　got　so　heated；　wouldn？t　you　know　it；　before　long　there　we　were；　
rolling　around　on　the　beach；　wrestling　one　another　to　the　ground；　each　trying　to　get　the　other　to　
admit　that　his　conception　of　the　truth　was　the　superior　one。？　

Dan　was　only　half…listening　to　his　dad？s　pornographic　mumblings。　He？d　found　a　gap　in　the　
bubble　wrap　and　unwound　it　from　the　long；　ceramic　。　。　。　thing。　

？Yeah；　your　literary　get…togethers　today　are　probably　much　more　dignified；　aren？t　they？？　Rufus　
went　on。　？But　that？s　how　we　liked　it　then：　naked；　vibrant；　duking　it　out　over　the　truth。　God；　those　
were　the　days。？　

Still　trying　to　tune　out　his　dad；　Dan　tossed　the　excess　wrapping　aside　and　considered　the　vessel　in　
his　hands：　it　was　a　long；　hollow；　tapered　column　of　white　ceramic；　finished　in　a　soft；　inviting　glaze。　
It　was　about　eighteen　inches　tall；　and　open　at　the　top；　so　it　must　have　been　a　vase。　At　the　base　were　
two　small；　rounded　pieces；　one　on　either　side；　which　helped　stabilize　the　tall；　central　shaft。　It　was　a　
vase。　It　was　some…thing。　It　was　。。。well；　a　nicely　glazed　penis。　

Thiswas　his　sister？s　idea　of　a　present？　He　put　the　vase？　or　whatever　it　was？on　his　bedside　table　
and　eyed　it　warily。　

？Well；　I？d　recognize　that　anywhere。？　Rufus　chuckled；　interrupting　his　reminiscence。　He　picked　
up　the　vase　and　stroked　it　gently。　？You　know　who　made　that；　don？t　you？　Your　mother。That？s　her　
handiwork。？　

？Really？？　Dan　took　the　vase　back　from　his　father　and　studied　it　more　carefully。　Maybe　he　was　


mistaken：　maybe　it　resembled　a　rocket　ship　in　flight；　or　an　alien；　or　maybe　it　was　an　abstract　
representation　of　an　earth　mother　flanked　on　either　side　by　her　children。　

Nope。　No　matter　how　he　squinted　at　it　or　turned　his　head；　it　just　looked　like　a　big　wang。　

He　turned　the　vase　over　to　study　the　base；　where　he　found　a　tiny；　hand…carved　inscription：　？A　
totem　for　my　son。　Imparted　with　love。？　

Atotem？　What　the　hell　did　that　mean？　Was　his　mother　trying　to　tell　him　something；　something　
about　himself　that　he？d　somehow　never　managed　to　figure　out　before？　He　hadn？t　seen　his　mom　in　
years；　and　then　this？a　penis…shaped　vase　coincidentally　shows　up　in　the　mail　just　hours　after　he？d　
made　out　with　a　guy？　But　he　wasn？t　gay。　How　could　he　be　gay？　He　loved　girls。　He　had　loved　
Serena　van　der　Woodsen。　He　had　loved　Bree。　And　he　had　loved　Vanessa　most　of　all。　

Right：