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law？something　to　do　with　carrying　shopping　bags　full　of　items　that　didn？t　exactly　belong　to　her　
out　of　a　well…known　department　store？　She？s　in　rehab；　too；　but　don？t　worry？the　film　industry　will　
find　a　way　to　bring　her　back。　In　fact；　that？s　what　distinguishes　the　flavors　of　the　month　from　the　
real　stars。　We　kind　ofwant　to　see　her　again。　We　want　to　know　that　there？s　life　after　being　busted。　
We　want　to　see　her　rise　to　new　heights；　whereas　we　don？t　much　care　what　happens　to　Sally。　At　
nineteen；　she　was　already　tired。　

The　ins　and　outs　of　rehab　

Rehab　and　college　are　actually　very　similar　as　far　as　status　is　concerned。　There　are　the　select　few；　
which　are　filled　with　celebrities　and　the　children　of　the　very　rich；　and　then　there　are　the　rest　of　
them；　which　are　filled　with　regular　people。　Getting　into　the　best　ones　is　highly　petitive；　but　
once　you？re　in；　you？rein　。　So　I　wouldn？t　worry　about　our　darlingN　。　He　may　be　in　trouble；　but　his　
parents　aren？t　about　to　send　him　to　the　rehab　equivalent　of　munity　college。　

　Your　e…mail　

Q：？　？　Dear　GG；　


I？m　an　intern　at　Les　Best　Couture；　and　I　heard　Les　sent　a　spy　toS　？s　school　to　check　out　what　she　
looked　like。　He　was　kind　of　mad　that　she　was　hired　without　him　even　seeing　her。　

　？lilintern　

A：？　？　Dear　lil；　

I　bet　he？s　not　mad　anymore　though；　right？

　？GG　

Q：？　？　dear　gossip　girl；　

how　e　you　never　mentionK　andI　anymore？　It　makes　me　wonder　if　maybe　you　are　one　of　
them。　

　？eyespy　

A：？　？　Dear　eyespy；　

I？ll　never　tell；　so　wonder　away！　

　？GG　

　Sightings　

KandI　？there；　I　mentioned　them？inBryant　Park　；　freezing　their　butts　off　in　skimpyBlue　Cult　
denim　miniskirts　as　they　tried　to　get　the　interns　working　the　doors　of　theFashion　Week　tents　to　
give　them　first…　or　second…row　seats　for　Friday　and　Saturday？s　runway　shows　instead　of　their　
usual　ones　toward　the　back。B　rentingHow　to　Steal　a　Million　；　starringAudrey　Hepburn　；　for　the　
seventeenth　time　atBlockbuster　on　Seventy…second　and　Lex。　I　guess　that？sone　way　of　preparing　
for　yourYale　alum　interview。N　headed　up　the　Merritt　Parkway　toward　Connecticut　in　the　back　seat　
of　his　parents？　blackMercedes　SUV　。　On　his　way　to　rehab；　maybe？V　inBarneys　；　of　all　

places；　checking　out　a　frayed　black　hemp　driving　coat　with　chain…mail　seams　and　vintage　
hook…and…eye　buttons　byCulture　of　Humanity　by　Jedediah　Angel　。　She　looked　tempted；　but　at　that　
price　she？d　be　better　off　ripping　up　her　own　clothes　and　fastening　them　together　with　paper　clips。　

My　problem　isn？t　getting　into　the　first　row？it？s　which　show　to　go　to。　Theyall　want　me！　Sigh。　
Being　popular　can　be　seriously　hard　work。　

You　know　you　love　me。　


　gossip　girl　

jande　explore　their　problem　areas　

？Five　more　minutes；　ladies；？　announced　Ms。　Crumb　to　her　Constance　Billard　ninth…grade　
creative　writing　class。　She　pulled　her　curly　black　hair　out　of　the　way　and　prodded　the　wax　in　her　
right　ear　with　the　eraser　of　a　yellow　number　two　pencil。　？Remember；　it？s　notwhat　you？re　writing　
about　buthow　you　describe　it。？　

None　of　the　girls　looked　up。　They　were　too　busy　writing；　and　besides；　they　really　didn？t　want　to　
see　what　Ms。　Crumb　was　doing　when　she　thought　they　weren？t　looking。　They？d　already　been　
grossed　out　enough　times。　

According　to　the　girls；all　the　female　teachers　at　Constance　Billard　were　lesbians；　but　Ms。　Crumb　
was　the　only　teacher　at　Constance　who　was　officially　out。　She　wore　a　rainbow　pin　to　school　every　
day；　shared　a　country　house　in　New　Paltz　with　five　other　women；　and　often　referred　to　
her　？partner？？as　in；　？The　other　night　my　partner　was　drinking　Amstel　Lite　and　watching　Barbara　
Walters；　who　she　has　a　total　crush　on；while　I　sat　in　the　kitchen　and　graded　your　papers。？　Every　
year　the　ninth　graders　looked　forward　to　having　Ms。　Crumb？s　creative　writing　class；　assuming　
she？d　be　cool　and　down…to…earth　since　she　was　so　forthright　about　her　sexuality。　But　after　a　day　in　
her　classroom　her　students　realized　they　weren？t　just　going　to　sit　around　for　forty…five　minutes　
talking　about　girl　stuff　with　a　woman　who　liked　girls？they　were　going　to　have　to　write　things　
every　day　in　class；　read　them　out　loud；and　then　listen　to　Ms。　Crumb　and　their　classmates　criticize　
what　they　had　written　in　a　sometimes　not　very　nice　way。　Ms。　Crumb　was　a　major　hardass；　but　as　
far　as　subjects　went；　creative　writing　was　still　a　hell　of　a　lot　better　than　geometry。　

Today　Ms。　Crumb　had　asked　the　girls　to　pick　a　partner？　in　the　platonic　sense？and　write　a　
paragraph　describing　a　part　of　their　partner？s　body。　Of　course　Elise　and　Jenny　had　picked　each　
other。　They　were　beginning　to　do　almost　everything　together。　

It？s　odd　that　we　decorate　our　ears　with　earrings　and　don？t　try　to　cover　them；Jenny　wrote。They？re　
just　as　indecent　as　the　parts　we　do　cover；　like　bare　holes　that　go　straight　into　our　heads。　My　friend　
Elise？s　ears　are　small；　with　a　little　blond　fuzz　on　them。　She　has　good　hearing；　too；　because　she　
never　says；　？What？？　and　asks　me　to　repeat　myself。　I　guess　she　keeps　them　pretty　clean。　

Jenny　looked　up　and　decided　to　erase　the　last　line　and　replace　it　with　something　else。　Ms。　Crumb　
might　get　offended；　since　she　obviously　had　some　kind　of　ear…cleaning　fetish。　

But　instead　of　writing　something　else　to　replace　the　ear…cleaning　line；　Jenny？s　mind　wandered　
back　to　her　e…mail。　She？d　been　checking　it　regularly；　just　like　Blair　had　told　her　to；　however；　the　
only　messages　she？d　gotten　had　been　jokey　ones　from　Elise　and　her　brother；　telling　her　to　stop　


checking　her　e…mail　and　get　back　to　her　homework。　She　glanced　at　Elise；　who　was　scribbling　away；　
already　on　her　second　page。　Jenny　wished　she　had　Dan？s　knack　for　the　written　word。　She　was　
better　at　detailed　drawings　and　painting　and　calligraphy。　

At　the　top　of　the　page　she　drew　an　elaborate　drawing　of　Elise？s　ear　and　the　side　of　her　face；　
hoping　she？d　score　points　for　being　artistic；　even　if　her　essay　sucked。　Her　mind　wandered　again；　
to　the　blond　boy　she？d　spotted　in　Bendel？s。　Was　he　artistic；　too？　

The　bell　rang　to　mark　the　end　of　last　period　and　Ms。　Crumb　stood　up　and　brushed　chalk　dust　
from　her　dark　gray　wool　pinafore　dress　that　looked　like　it　had　been　made　by　nuns　somewhere　cold　
and　fashionless；　like　Greenland。　

？Time？s　up；　ladies。　Pencils　down。　You　can　hand　in　your　papers　as　you　leave。？　She　tucked　her　
maroon…stockinged　feet　into　a　pair　of　black　felt　L。L。　Bean　clogs。　？Happy　Thursday　afternoon！？　

？So　what？d　you　write　about？？　Jenny　asked　Elise　after　they　had　packed　up　their　book　bags　and　
were　on　their　way　out　the　school　doors。　

？None　of　your　business；？　Elise　answered；　blushing。　

？Don？t　think　I？m　never　going　to　find　out。　You？ll　probably　have　to　read　it　out　loud　on　Monday；？　
Jenny　reminded　her。　？I　wrote　about　your　ears；　but　it　kind　of　sucked。？　

The　two　girls　bowed　their　heads　against　the　fierce　February　wind　and　headed　over　to　Lexington　
to　take　the　bus　down　to　Bloomingdale？s　on　East　Fifty…ninth　Street。　Elise　had　enlisted　Jenny　to　
help　her　to　find　the　perfect　pair　of　jeans　for　less　than　eighty　dollars；　and；　as　usual；　Jenny　needed　
some　new　bras；　since　she　was　always　wearing　out　the　elastic　or　breaking　the　underwires　in　the　
ones　she　had。　

Bloomingdale？s　was　a　tacky　war　zone　of　tourists　sporting　the　new　tracksuits　and　sneakers　they？d　
just　bought　at　Nike　Town；　along　with　gaggles　of　blue…haired　bargain　hunters；　but　it　was　the　only　
place　to　go　for　oversized　bras　and　moderately　priced　jeans　other　than　Macy？s；　which　was　simply　
gross。　

Those　with　better　taste　and　bigger　credit　limits　went　to　Bergdorf？s；　Bendel？s；　or　Barneys；　but　for　
people　like　Jenny　and　Elise；　Bloomingdale？s　would　just　have　to　do。　

？I　can？t　believe　you　can　just　put　those　on　and　they？re　the　perfect　length；？　Jenny　said　enviously　as　
she　watched　Elise　try　on　her　first　pair　of　Paris　Blues　jeans　in　the　dressing　room。　Jenny　was　barely　
five　feet　tall　and　had　to　shorten　everything。　Elise　was　five　foot　seven；　but　she　had　other　problems；　
like　her　pletely　flat　chest　and　the　podge　that　padded　her　hip　bones　and　lower　back　like　a　
second　butt。　

Elise　scrunched　up　her　freckled　face　and　stared　down　at　the　bulges　riding　above　the　waistband　of　


the　low…rise　jeans。　？See　why　I　can？t　eat　in　public？？　she　grunted；　sucking　in　her　stomach　and　
tugging　on　the　waistband。　The　jeans　were　9　percent　Lycra；　but　that　didn？t　seem　to　make　much　
difference。　She　exhaled　and　let　her　stomach　out；　giving　up。　？Okay；　forget　it。　Next　pair。？　

As　Elise　inched　herself　out　of　the　reject　ones；　Jenny　held　up　a　beautiful　pair　of　dark　rinse　flared　
Seven　jeans　that　were　on　sale　and　would　be　a　major　score　if　they　fit。　She　noticed　Elise　was　
wearing　light　blue　lacy　underwear　and　quickly　averted　her　eyes　so　Elise　wouldn？t　accuse　her　of　
staring。　

Elise　took　the　jeans；　slipped　her　feet　into　them　and　slid　them　up　around　her　hips。　？Oh　my　God。　I　
can？t　believe　I　forgot　to　tell　you　this；？　she　said；　tugging　on　the　button…fly　waist。　？Before　creative　
writing　I　heard　Kati　Farkas　and　Isabel　Coates　talking　about　Nate　Archibald　in　the　bathroom　at　
school。　They　said　he　almost　had　to　go　tojail　because　he　was　caught　dealing　to　some　
twelve…year…olds　in　the　park。　His　dad　had　to　go　down　to　the　police　station　and　bail　him　out；　but　he　
still　has　to　go　torehab　。　Weren？t　you　guys　kind　oftogether　for　a　little　while？　Did　you　hear　about　
this？　Isn？t　it　crazy？？　

Jenny　hadn？t　heard；　and　she　wasn？t　quite　sure　how　she　felt　about　it。　Nate　had　pretty　much　blown　
her　off　pletely　in　the　end；　brushing　her　away　like　a　pesky　fly；　so　she　guessed　he？d　gotten　what　
he　deserved。　Besides；　Nate　seemed　like　the　type　of　guy　who　would　always　rise　to　the　top　again；　
unscathed。　Why　should　she　waste　any　more　time　worrying　or　eventhinking　about　him？　She　
watched　Elise　struggle　with　the　copper　buttons　on　her　jeans。　They　were　perfect　everywhere　else；　
but　the　waist　was　so　tight　there　was　no　way　she？d　ever　be　able　to　sit　down　in　them。　？Why　don？t　
you　just　try　the　next　size　up？？　

Elise　squinted　her　hard　blue　eyes　stubbornly。　She　did　that　kind　of　a　lot；　causing　Jenny　to　wonder　
if　she　needed　glasses。　？Because；　Miss　Size　Zero；　I？m　a　size　seven；　not　a　size　nine。　Pass　me　another　
pair；　and　stop　staring　at　my　fat。？　

？I？m　not；？　Jenny　insisted；　handing　her　a　stretchy　pair　of　Lei　jeans　that　were　a　little　too　distressed；　
with　frayed　cuffs　and　holes　in　the　pockets；　but　with　a　wide；　low　waist　that　looked　like　it　might　
actually　sit　nicely　on　Elise？s　hips。　？And　it？s　not　like　anyone　has　to　know　what　size　you　are。　I　
won？t　tell。？　Jenny　immediately　thought　of　her　own　size　issue。　She　hadn？t　planned　on　inviting　
Elise　into　the　dressing　room　with　her　when　she　tried　on　bras。　Sure；　they　were　being　close　
friends；　but　was　it　really　necessary　for　Elise　to　know　that　she　wasn？t　just　a　D　cup；　but　adouble　D？　
Still；　it　seemed　mean　not　to　reciprocate　when　Elise　had　invited　her　to　help　try　on　jeans。　

Elise　wrinkled　up　her　nose　at　the　Leis。　？Those　are　way　too　fake　looking。？　

？So　what　do　you　want　to　do？？　Jenny　asked；　tossing　the　jeans　on　the　bench　in　the　back　of　the　
narrow　dressing　room。　

Elise　buttoned　up　her　uniform　and　slid　her　feet　into　her　prissy　black　flats。　It　amazed　Jenny　how　
neat…and…sweet…little…school…girl　Elise　appeared　until　you　got　to　know　her。　


？I？m　keeping　the　Sevens。　I　know　they　don？t　fit　now；　but　I？m　planning　to　lose　ten　pounds　before　
the　end　of　the　year。　Andyou？re　going　to　help　me。？　

Jenny　nodded。　It　wasn？t　like　she　didn？t　ever　buy　stuff　that　was　too　small。　

Yes；　it？s　calledaspirational　shopping。　Every　girl　with　ambition　does　it。　

The　dressing　rooms　in　the　lingerie　department　were　dirty；　cramped；　and　badly　lit。　With　her　back　
to　Elise；　Jenny　pulled　her　cornflower　blue　V…neck　J。　Crew　sweater　over　her　head　and　threw　it　on　
the　stool　in　the　corner。　Then　she　pulled　her　white　Gap　T…shirt　off　and　dropped　it　on　the　floor；　
crossing　her　arms　over　her　breasts　self…consciously。　

？Which　one　do　you　want　to　try　on　first？？　Elise　asked；　sorting　through　the　plastic　hangers　that　
Jenny　had　hastily　snatched　up　with　businesslike　efficiency。　？The　lacy　black　one　with　the　funky　
clasp　or　the　fy　white　cotton　one　with　the　extrawide　straps？？　

？Just　hand　me　the　black　one；？　Jenny　mumbled；　reaching　behin