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this　time。　

？You　don？t　have　to　repay　me。？　

？You　must　e　to　my　。　。　。？　She　couldn？t　remember　the　rest　of　the　line。　Shehad　to　glance　at　her　
script。　

？Party！？　cried　Ken。　？Party！Haven？t　you　read　the　script；　Holly？？　

？Yeah；？　muttered　Serena　defensively；　resisting　the　urge　to　kick　the　pile　of　script　rewrites　on　the　
floor　up　and　out　the　large；　bright　window。　

？Okay；　let？s　skip　ahead　a　little　bit。？　Ken　rubbed　his　weirdly　red　forehead。　？Let？s　do　the　big　
morning　scene。　There？s　just　a　little　dialogue　there；　so　you　should　be　able　to　manage　that；　right；　
Holly？？　


？Sure。？　She　felt　like　she　was　doing　everything　wrong；　even　though　she？d　only　said　a　few　words。　
Wasn？t　there　any　time　to　get　warmed　up？　

？Okay；　Thaddeus；　you　begin；？　Ken　directed；　with　his　new　cigarette　torched　in　hand。　

？Holly；？　Thaddeus　recited；　from　memory？his　script　was　still　lying　on　the　couch。　？I　knew　I？d　find　
you　here。？　

？Will　you　always　know　where　to　find　me？？　Serena　could　see　Ken　shaking　his　head　out　of　the　
corner　of　her　eye；　so　she　dropped　her　script　onto　the　floor。　She　could　do　this。　She　stood　on　tiptoe　
and　leaned　into　Thaddeus？s　broad　chest。　

？I　will　if　you　stand　still；？　he　pronounced　softly。　？Never　run　away　again。？　

？I　promise；？　Serena　whispered。　It　was　her　last　line　in　the　film。　She　craned　her　neck；　lifting　her　
face　to　her　costar？s；　offering　herself　up　to　him。　She　could　smell　toothpaste　and　nicotine　on　
Thaddeus？s　warm　breath；　Kiehl？s　oatmeal　lotion　on　his　hands；　and　Tide　on　his　clothes。　She　was　
barely　touching　him；　just　resting　her　hands　against　his　firm　chest；　but　she　could　feel　his　body　
against　hers；　from　his　strong；　broad　back　to　his　perfect　abs；　from　his　lean　and　muscled　forearms　to　
his　flip…flopped　feet。　And　she　could　feel　something　else：　a　flicker　of　electricity　in　the　air；　in　the　
tiny　pocket　of　space　between　their　two　bodies。　Was　this　acting　or　was　it　real？　

？Okay；？　Thaddeus　stammered。　He　took　a　step　back　and　Serena；　who　had　been　leaning　all　of　her　
weight　on　him；　stumbled　a　bit。　

He　laughed　nervously。　？Ken；　a　smoke？？　

Ken　held　out　a　pack　of　Marlboro　Reds　and　Thaddeus　selected　one　and　coolly　lit　it。　

？What？d　you　think；　Ken？？　he　asked；　looping　his　thumb　in　his　waistband。　

？Good。　Better。　I　felt　more　spark　that　last　time。　But　Holly　needs　to　pick　up　the　slack。　Holly；　we　
can　do　some　rewrites　if　you？re　having　trouble　with　your　lines。？　

？What　do　you　mean？？　Serena　sank　into　the　worn　couch。　She　hadn？t　madetoo　many　mistakes；　had　
she？　

？If　there　are　too　many　words；　you　know；？　he　explained；　pronouncing　the　words　loudly　and　slowly；　
like　he　was　speaking　to　someone　whose　English　wasn？t　so　good。　？If　you？re　having　trouble　
remembering　all　of　them。？　

Was　he　calling　herstupid？　


？No；　it？s　fine；？　she　sighed　wearily。　

？She？ll　get　the　hang　of　it。？　Thaddeus　sat　down　beside　her。　He　rested　his　soft　hand　on　her　bare　
knee；　giving　her　leg　a　supportive　squeeze。　

You　know　I　will；Serena　agreed　silently。　God；　was　she　already　in　love？　Sometimes　she　was　almost　
too　easy。

　No　ment。　

？Of　course；　of　course；？　agreed　Ken。　？We　just　need　some　more　rehearsal　time；　I　think。　What　do　
you　think；Vanessa？？　

Vanessa　hadn？t　even　caught　everything　on　camera　because　they　hadn？t　given　her　enough　time　to　
set　up　her　equipment。　？It　rocked；？　she　lied　enthusiastically。　After　all；　it　was　only　rehearsal。　

And　by　the　looks　of　things；　they　were　going　to　needlots　more　of　them。　

you　think　you　know　someone　

？Honey；　I？m　hoooome！？　Dan　stuck　his　head　into　the　doorway　of　his　little　sister　Jenny？s　
bedroom。　？Vanessa？？　

？Hey。？　Vanessa　stood　up　from　behind　Jenny？s　painting　easel。　The　cozy　room　was　still　lined　with　
Jenny？s　canvases？　washed…out　landscapes；　architectural　drawings　of　famous　New　York　buildings　
like　the　Dakota　on　Seventy…second　Street；　some　nude　portraits　Vanessa　saw　Dan　avert　his　eyes　
from　just　in　case　they　were　his　sister？sself　…portraits。　She　wrapped　her　arms　around　Dan？s　skinny　
frame　and　squeezed。　？Thank　you　so　much　for　letting　me　stay　here。？　

？It？ll　be　great；？　he　assured　her；　plopping　down　on　the　blue…flannel…duvet…covered　bed。　？We？ll　
make　it　our　Big　New　York　Summer。　I？ve　been　thinking　all　about　it。　All　the　things　we？ll　do　
together？pedaling　those　stupid　boats　in　Central　Park；　bagels　from　H&H　Bagels　on　our　days　off？？　

？Um；　that　sounds　great；　but　I？m　going　to　be　really　busy　with　work；　you　know？　It？s　going　to　take　
a　lot　of　work　to　get　this　movie　right。？　She　nodded　toward　the　puter　screen　where　Serena　van　
der　Woodsen？s　ethereal　face　was　paused；　her　eyes　half　closed。　She　was　reviewing　the　rehearsal　
footage　from　this　afternoon；　and　if　it　was　any　indication　of　what　the　finished　film　would　look　
like？well；　it　wasn？t　pretty。　

？Right。？　Dan　pouted　a　little。　？Of　course。？　


On　the　up　side；　the　longer　Serena　fumbled　through　her　rehearsals；　the　more　time　Vanessa　had　to　
experiment　with　her　camera　work。　She　was　going　to　give　him　something　better。　She　was　
determined　to　do　something　truly　avant…garde　and　unusual；　something　that　would　really　wow　Ken　
Mogul　and　his　producers。　He？d　mentioned　Godard。　But　she　was　the　master　of　mixing　humor　with　
tragedy。　She　would　show　the　used　condom　stuck　to　Holly？s　shoe；　the　tarnished　side　of　the　party　
princess！　

？Where？s　your　dad？？　she　asked；　changing　the　subject。　It　was　only　a　matter　of　time　before　she　ran　
into　Dan？s　Beat　poet　dad；　Rufus；　wearing　his　usual　stained　Mets　T…shirt　and　too…snug　tan　cargo　
shorts。　She　was　hoping　to　see　him　before　they　had　a　middle…of…the…night　runin。　Who　knew　what　
he？d　be　wearing　then？　

He　shrugged。　？You　talk　to　Ruby？？　He　dug　into　his　pockets　and　retrieved　a　battered　old　pack　of　
Camels；　lit　one；　and　then　lay　back　on　Jenny？s　lumpy；　narrow　bed。　？I　hope　you　guys　made　up。　
Life？s　too　short；　you　know？？　

？Huh？？Vanessa　asked　lazily；　lying　down　next　to　him。　Ruby　had　sent　a　couple　of　apologetic　text　
messages；　but　Vanessa　was　too　mad　to　bother　reading　them　all　the　way　through。　She　could　
imagine　Ruby　squeezing　Piotr？s　back　zits　while　they　did　it　in　his　paint…splattered　studio？aka　her　
old　room。　She　snuggled　her　almost…bald　head　into　Dan？s　ropy　neck　and　whispered；　？I　can？t　really　
deal　with　it　now；　you　know？？　

？That？s　too　bad；？　he　observed　solemnly。　？I　always　admired　your　relationship。？　

？Sure。？　She　couldn？t　resist　giggling　a　little。　？Are　you　feeling　okay？？　

Dan　turned　toward　her　so　their　noses　were　almost　touching。　Vanessa　kissed　his　smoky…tasting　
lips。　Her　touched　her　face。　？You　know；　I　never　realized　it　before；　but　happiness　is；　like；　right　there　
in　front　of　you；　you　know　what　I　mean？　It？s　like　us？like　you？re　all　I　need　to　be　happy；　and　you？re　
right　here；　in　my　house。　I　mean；　I　know　you？ll　have　to　work　a　lot　and　everything；　but　it？s　so　great。　
It？s　actually　so　much　easier　to　achieve　happiness　than　it　is　to　embrace　ugliness。？　

Vanessa　bit　her　lip。　She　loved　Dan；　but　she　really　hoped　he　wasn？t　about　to　pull　another　
embarrassing　proclamation　of　undying　devotion　like　he　had　at　his　own　graduation。　Some　things　
were　better　left　unsaid。　

You　can　say　that　again。　

？Did　you　learn　that　on　the　job？？　she　teased。　？I　didn？t　know　they　offered　free　New　Age　self…help　
lectures　at　the　Strand。？　

？I？m　not　talking　about　work。？　He　sucked　on　his　Camel　hard　and　defensively。　？I　readSiddhartha　
during　my　break　this　afternoon。　Life？s　just　so　short。。。。　I　mean；　we　can　only　hope　to　find　some　
meaning　in　this　life；　you　know？？　


The　only　book　Vanessa　knew　him　to　have　spoken　as　passionately　about　wasThe　Sorrows　of　
Young　Werther　；　a　creepy　book　about　a　moody；　depressive　guy　who　kills　himself　in　the　end　
because　his　girlfriend　marries　someone　else。　

？All　right；　I？m　officially　confused。　What　the　hell　are　you　talking　about？？　she　asked。　Her　
eyebrows　furrowed　as　she　looked　into　his　light　brown　eyes。　

？I？m　talking　about　the　meaning　of　life；？　he　replied　simply。　

Or　was　he　talking　about　a　certain　perfectly　perky　round…butted　blonde？　

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ABC　Amber　LIT　Converter　v2。02　
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Disclaimer：　All　the　real　names　of　places；　people；　and　events　have　been　altered　or　abbreviated　to　
protect　the　innocent。　Namely；　me。　

　hey　people！　

I？ve　discovered　something　very　important　about　myself：　I？mtotally　bi。　It？s　not　what　you？re　
thinking？I？m　just　torn　betweenwhere　I　want　to　spend　my　summer　and　I？ve　decided　I　reallywant　to　
have　it　both　ways。　Thank　God　for　Teterboro　Airport。　Aquick　drive　to　the　runway　and　I？m　on　the　
island　in　less　than　anhour。　That　gives　me　a　chance　to　ogle　the　surfer　boys　and　sayyes　to　every　
party　I？m　invited　to　here　at　home。　

There？s　something　so　exclusive　about　parties　in　the　city　duringthe　summer。　So　intimate；　with　no　
unwanted　guests。　Well；almost。　Not　that　we　don？t　like　to　have　our　picture　taken；　we？djust　like　to　
make　sure　our　beach　hair　doesn？t　have　any　actualsand　in　it　before　the　flash　goes　off。　Yes；　I？m　
talking　about　thepaparazzi。　Obviously　they　have　to　work　all　summer；　and　obviously　they？re　bored　
because　they？ve　been　hounding　the　fewcelebs　in　town？me　included？like　every　night　was　an　
MTVMusic　Awards　after…party　at　Lindsay？s　loft。　

But　summer　and　the　beach　go　hand　in　hand；　and　I　could　neverpletely　forsake　the　shore；　but　
that　heartthrob　actor　T　has　donejust　that；　abandoning　his　lavish　spread　on　the　North　Shore　（yes；the　
one　you　saw　on　that　episode　ofCribs　）　to　spend　a　steaming…hot　summer　in　sticky　New　York　City。　
Now　that？s　dedication。　

　across　the　pond　

I　know　we　started　out　as　an　English　colony；　but　we　won　the　war（no　hard　feelings！）　and　therefore　
we　do　things　a　bit　differently　


on　this　side　of　the　pond。　I　like　the　whole　royalty　thing？　especially　a　certain　heir　to　the　throne　and　
his　party…monster　redheaded　younger　brother？but　there？s　a　lot　about　the　English　that　I　just　don？t　
understand。　For　example；　I　hear　that　a　certain　young；　foxy；　blue…eyed　American　girl　we　all　know　
and　love　has　gotten　herself　mixed　up　with　a　titled　gentleman　who　seems　to　have　eyes　for　his；　um；　
cousin？　Apparently；　in　some　grand　old　English　families　it？s　perfectly　acceptable　to　ask　your　
cousin　to　move　in　for　the　summer；　to　hold　her　hand　during　intimate　dinners　at　London？s　finest　
restaurants；　to　slip　away　together　to　the　thatch…roofed　country　house　for　a　weekend　foxhunt。　
How？s　that　for　culture　shock？

　your　e…mail　

Q：　
Dear　GG；　

My　mom　insisted　that　I　take　an　internship　at　a　glossy　magazine　this　summer。　She　says　it？ll　help　
prepare　me　for　the　real　world；　but　I　feel　like　I？m　the　only　one　spendingmy　summer　cooped　up　
inside　the　fashion　closet；　packing　next　season？s　Marc　Jacobs　shoes　into　boxes　and　keeping　track　
of　the　Me&Ro　jewelry。　It？s　like　working　in　retail；and　besides；　I　have　the　rest　of　my　life　to　work；　
don？t　I？Shouldn？t　I　be　chilling　at　the　beach　with　my　babeliciousboyfriend　or　something？

　？In　the　Closet　

A：　
Dear　In　the　Closet；　

How　do　you　think　I　feel？　I？m　still　here；　albeit　with　the　A/Ccranked　and　a　chilled　bottle　of　Dom　
next　to　the　puter；hard　at　work；　serving　all　your　gossip　needs。　But　seriously：help　yourself　to　
something　Guccilicious　from　the　sunglassdrawer。　You　deserve　it！　（And　no　one　will　notice　if　you　
throwsomething　in　for　your　boyfriend；　too。）　

　？GG　

Q：　
Dear　GG；　

Does　that　guy　N　have　a　long…lost　brother？　I　think　I　saw　him　at　the　Oyster　Shack　on　the　Island；　
but　it　couldn？t　have　been　the　same　guy；　this　guy　was　dressed　like　a　construction　worker　and　
hanging　out　with　some　skanky…looking　but　undeniably　hot　townie　chick。　Any　idea　what？s　going　
on？　

　？Double　Take　


　A：　
Dear　Double　Take；　

There？s　definitely　only　one　N。　If　he？s　in　the　construction　game　now；　I　suggest　you　hire　him　to　
e　over　and　build　you　a　deck。　Maybe　he？ll　work　up　a　sweat　and　then　you　can　invite　him　to　go　
skinny…dipping！　

　？GG　

　sightings　

B　getting　into　a　tiff　with　the　mousy…looking　handbag　clerk　at　Harvey　Nichols。　They？ve　got　
waiting　lists　in　London；　too；　but　some　girls　have　never　learned　that　patience　is　a　virtue。　S　
wandering　around　an　unfamiliar　part　of　the　Upper　East　Side？really　far　from　the　park？looking　
forlorn　and　buying　Purina　cat　chow　at　the　deli。　Maybe　she？s　trying　some　crazy　new　diet？　N　
strolling　along　Catachungo　Road　in　Hampton　Bays；　wearing　a