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Vanessa　appeared　from　the　Humphreys？　ramshackle　apartment　building；　holding　a　plastic　
container　of　Folgers　crystals。　She　looked　cool　and　fortable　with　her　shorn　scalp；　wearing　one　
of　Dan？s　old　black　Raves　T…shirts　and　a　pair　of　his　black　boxers。　

？Hot　enough　for　you？？　Dan　called　lightly；　even　though　the　sight　of　her　was　breaking　his　heart。　

Vanessa　grabbed　a　bag　from　the　sidewalk　and　stuffed　it　in　the　trunk。　She　stopped　to　wipe　her　face　
on　the　hem　of　her　T…shirt。　？I　hate　you；？　she　mumbled　grumpily。　？Don？t　forget　this；？　she　added；　
handing　him　a　half…empty　Folgers　container。　

？I　can？t　believe　I？m　actually　leaving；？　Dan　said　nervously；　to　no　one　in　particular；　mechanically　
grabbing　the　coffee　from　Vanessa　as　his　mom　and　dad　stepped　out　of　the　apartment　building　and　
onto　the　curb。　Jeanette　wore　a　bright　purple　satin　kimono　with　a　large　dragon　on　the　back　
embroidered　in　gold　thread；　and　her　mousy　brown　hair　was　a　mass　of　snarls。　Despite　the　heat；　she　
was　also　wearing　her　favorite　pair　of　purple　fuzzy　slippers。　Rufus　was　wearing　an　obscenely　tight　
pair　of　electric　blue　spandex　bicycle　shorts；　and　a　canary…yellow　T…shirt　with　a　colorful　picture　of　a　
sunset　on　the　front；　that　said　YOU　BETTER　BELIZE　IT。　Dan　was　certainly　going　to　miss　his　
parents；　though　he　wasn？t　sure　whether　he？d　miss　their　bizarre　fashion　statements。　

？You　two　could　help；　you　know；？　Jenny　mented；　throwing　an　army　green　duffel　bag　in　the　
trunk　and　wiping　the　droplets　of　sweat　from　her　eyes　with　the　back　of　her　hand。　

Rufus　crossed　his　arms　over　his　chest。　？Why　do　you　think　we　had　you　two？　Free　labor！？　He　and　
Jeanette　burst　into　peals　of　laughter。　


？Oh；　Rufus；？　Jeanette　moaned；　posing　herself；　a　note　of　sadness　creeping　into　her　
voice。　？Our　baby？s　all　grown　up！？　She　flew　at　Dan；　the　sleeves　of　her　kimono　flapping　in　the　
breeze　like　wings；　and　Dan　opened　his　arms；　resting　his　head　against　his　mother？s　shoulder。　

Looking　around；　Dan　realized　that　this　would　be　the　last　time　that　his　family　would　be　all　
together？for　God　knew　how　long。　He　was　off　to　college　today；　and　tonight　his　mom　was　flying　
back　to　Prague　and　her　boyfriend；　Count　Dracula。　Tears　welled　up　in　his　eyes　and　he　blinked　them　
back。　His　mom　patted　him　on　the　back　like　she　was　trying　to　burp　him。　？Sweetie；？　she　whispered　
in　his　ear；　？I　know　you　and　Vanessa　are　back　together；　and　I　just　wanted　to　let　you　know　that　it？s　
okay？I　still　love　you；　even　though　you？re　straight；？　she　sniffed。　？You？re　my　baby　boy；　and　I　just　
want　you　to　be　happy。？　Dan　just　shook　his　head。　Why　his　mother　wanted　a　gay　son　so　badly　was　
beyond　him。　But　if　his　brief　venture　into　homosexuality　had　finally　brought　her　back　to　visit；　he　
couldn？t　really　plain。　

？It？s　okay；　Mom；？　he　said　between　thumps　on　his　back。　？Just　remember　next　time　you　send　a　gift　
that　I？m　a　men？s　medium；　not　a　kids？　size　four；　and　I？m　sort　of　not　into　pink　spandex　anymore。？　

？Well；　Dan。？　Rufus　appeared　at　Dan？s　side　smelling　like　curry　and　enveloped　his　son　in　a　huge；　
hulking　bear　hug。　？It？s　time　to　begin　the　next　great　adventure　of　your　life。？　Dan　held　onto　his　dad　
for　a　long　moment。　He　knew　that　when　he　woke　up　tomorrow　morning；　that　wherever　he　was？no　
matter　how　beautiful　and　picturesque　the　scenery　？it　would　feel　totally　bizarre　not　to　see　his　dad　
padding　through　the　kitchen　making　brussels…sprout　pancakes；　wearing　his　long　white　nightshirt　
and　purple　flip…flops。　？And　don？t　forget　to　write　it　all　down；？　Rufus　added；　slapping　his　shoulders　
affectionately。　

Vanessa　helped　Jenny　fit　the　last　suitcase　into　the　oversize　trunk　and　stepped　back。　Was　Dan　
imagining　things；　or　did　he　see　actual　tears　in　Vanessa？s　eyes？　She　swiped　at　them　furiously；　
refusing　to　look　at　him。　He　walked　over　and　took　her　in　his　arms；　running　his　fingers　over　the　
stubbly　scalp　he　adored。　He　could　hear　the　rapid　sound　of　her　breathing；　and　he　hugged　her　even　
closer。　

？I？ll　call　you　every　day；？　he　said；　his　voice　trembling。　？I　promise。？　？Me　too。？　She　sniffled。　

Jenny　slammed　the　trunk　of　the　robin？s…egg…blue　car　shut。　？Let？s　get　this　boat　on　the　road！？　？It？s　
not　aboat　；？　Dan　snorted；　letting　go　of　Vanessa。　？It？s　a　1977　Buick　Skylark　convertible；　and　it　
deserves　somerespect　。？　？Okay；　Mr。　Only　Got　His　License　like；Yesterday　。？　Jenny　gave　him　a　
sweaty　hug。　？I　was　only　kidding。？　She　buried　her　head　against　his　chest；　her　curls　bobbing　up　and　
down。　？I？m　going　to　miss　you　so　much；？　she　said　quietly　as　the　tears　rolled　down　her　round　
cheeks。　

Dan　closed　his　eyes；　squeezing　his　little　sister　tight。　？You　too；？　he　muttered；　trying　not　to　cry　any　
harder。　


？But　I　know　you　guys　probably　have　some　stuff　to　um　。　。　。　do。？　Jenny　looked　up　at　Vanessa　
meaningfully　and　then　shuffled　away；　fanning　her　face　with　one　hand　as　she　joined　Rufus　and　
Jeanette　on　the　curb。　

Vanessa　grabbed　Dan？s　hand　forcefully；　pulling　him　behind　the　car　so　that　they　could　have　some　
privacy。　She　kissed　him　hard？a　little　reminder　of　their　long　night　last　night？and　then　pulled　back；　
grinning。　She　was　sad　to　see　Dan　go；　but　they　were　together　again？and　she　had　some　ideas　for　
how　to　stay　in　touch。　

？Not　only　will　I　call　you　every　day；？　she　said；　swooping　in　for　another　kiss；　then　lowering　her　
voice　to　a　throaty　whisper；　？but　I？ll　be　sending　you　somemovies；　too。？　She　winked；　her　face　
wicked。　

Dan　blushed　bright　red。　？Rated　R；　I　hope；？　he　whispered　in　her　ear。　

Finally　she　pried　herself　out　of　his　arms；　and　he　got　behind　the　wheel　of　his　huge　automobile。　He　
slammed　the　door　and　Vanessa　backed　slowly　away；　joining　his　family　on　the　curb。　There　they　
were：　his　crazily　dressed　father；　his　long…absent　mother；　his　sweet　little　sister；　and　Vanessa；　the　
bald；　beautiful；　love　of　his　life。　He　jammed　the　key　into　the　ignition；　fighting　tears。　

The　car　coughed　once；　twice；　and　then　。　。　。　died　abruptly。　Dan　closed　his　eyes。　He　couldn？t　face　
another　round　of　goodbyes。　He　turned　the　key　once　more。　This　time；　the　engine　caught；　coughing　
and　sputtering；　before　ing　to　life　with　a　giant　roar。　

He　jerked　the　car　forward；　trying　to　remember　everything　his　dad　had　told　him　about　defensive　
driving；　and　watched　his　family　get　smaller　and　smaller　in　the　rearview　mirror；　all　four　of　them　
waving　wildly　and　wiping　their　eyes　as　he　sped　up　West　End　Avenue。　His　blood　felt　electric；　and　
he　could　hardly　wait　to　get　out　on　the　open　road；　to　feel　the　sun　on　his　face　as　it　streamed　through　
the　windshield。　Hopefully；　by　the　time　he　found　an　Internet　caf？；　he？d　already　have　a　Vanessa　
Abrams　original　in　his　inbox。　One　meant　for　his　eyes　only。　

And　sure　to　make　its　way　into　the　public　realm？nudge；　nudge。　

n　picks　up　another　girl　

Nate　glanced　at　his　beat…up　platinum　Rolex　as　he　hopped　out　of　the　cab　and　into　the　blinding　
morning　light。　He　shaded　his　eyes　from　the　sun　as　he　looked　up　at　the　street　signs；　trying　to　get　his　
bearings。　？Thanks；　man。？　He　turned　to　the　cabbie　and　handed　him　forty　bucks。　

？Sir；　you　overpay？？　The　driver　handed　back　one　of　the　twenties；　but　Nate　had　already　turned　
away。　


？It？s　all　yours；？　he　called　as　he　hurried　down　the　street。　He　checked　his　watch　again。　Nine　
fifty…five。　Only　five　more　minutes。　

He　started　to　run　now；　his　loafers　slapping　against　the　pavement　as　his　feet　made　contact　with　the　
hot　asphalt。　A　few　paces　and　he　was　panting。　The　sweat　trickled　down　the　back　of　his　gray　T…shirt。　
The　balls　of　his　feet　hurt　and　he　wished　he？d　worn　sneakers？and　maybe　eaten　some　breakfast。　

Of　course　he？d　be　thinking　of　food　at　a　time　like　this。　His　phone　rang　and　buzzed　in　his　pocket。　
He　pulled　it　out　and　looked　at　the　screen。　Blair。　Again。　He　silenced　the　phone　and　put　it　back　into　
his　shorts。　

Finally　he　rounded　a　corner　and　there　she　was；　the　sweet　girl　he？d　be　spending　the　next　year　
with。　

　Who？　

Nate　raced　down　the　Battery　Park　City　wharf？the　same　dock　he　and　Blair　had　sailed　into　ten　days　
ago；　although　it　felt　like　much　longer。　It　was　as　if　the　moment　he？d　set　foot　on　dry　land；　his　days　
had　turned　into　a　confusing　tangle　of　getting　stoned　and　hurting　the　people　he　loved。　

Story　of　his　life。　

Nate　leapt　onto　the　deck　and　strode　into　the　stern　of　theBelinda；　crashing　into　a　pile　of　life　
preservers。　He　looked　at　his　watch　again。　

？Nine　fifty…nine！？　he　called　out。　？I？m　early！？　

Chips　appeared　from　the　cabin　with　a　grin。　？Glad　you　made　it。？　He　was　wearing　his　？traveling　
clothes；？　a　pristine　pair　of　white　duck　cloth　sailor？s　pants　and　a　navy　blue　windbreaker。　His　white　
hair　was　bed　back　from　his　deeply　lined　face；　and　his　blue　eyes　sparkled　as　he　moved　around　
the　boat；　his　bad　leg　dragging　behind　him　but　an　excited　spring　in　his　step。　He　bent　at　the　waist；　
untied　a　mass　of　rope　at　his　feet；　and　began　to　raise　the　anchor　with　the　hand　crank。　That？s　what　
Nate　was　going　to　love　about　sailing　with　Chips。　No　puterized　anything。　Everything　was　done　
the　old…fashioned　way；　with　maps　and　muscle。　？Belindaand　I　thought　we　might　have　to　leave　
without　you。？　Nate　grinned；　extracting　himself　from　the　pile　of　life　preservers；　and　started　to　help　
Chips　with　the　rope。　？I　just　wanted　to　make　you　sweat　a　little。？　His　phone　rang　again　in　his　pocket　
and　he　pulled　it　out？even　though　he　knew　who　was　calling。　He　silenced　the　ringer。　

Chips　arched　an　eyebrow。　？Which　one　is　it？　Does　she　know　where　you？ve　gone？？　？She　doesn？t。　
Neither　of　them　knows；　actually。　They　both　think　I？m　meeting　them　at　Grand　Central　right　now。？　
Nate　thought　about　Blair　and　Serena　standing　in　the　train　station；　wondering　where　he　was；　and　
felt　bad？but　only　for　a　minute。　He　closed　his　eyes　as　he　pictured　Blair？s　excited；　happy　face　and　
Serena？s　wide；　gorgeous　smile。　It　really　was　better　this　way？for　everyone？whether　they　realized　it　


or　not。　Serena　and　Blair　would　be　friends　again？without　him　getting　in　the　way　all　the　time。　

？You　didn？t　even　tell　them？？　Chips　coiled　a　length　of　rope　around　one　arm；　his　brow　
furrowed。　？Did　nothing　of　my　using…your…balls　speech　make　its　way　through　that　thick　hair　of　
yours　and　into　your　head？？　Nate　looked　out　to　sea。　The　sky　above　him　was　flooded　with　bright　
morning　light　that　bounced　off　the　calm　surface　of　the　water。　？No　。　。　。？　he　began。　？I　got　it。　It？s　
just　。　。　。　better　this　way。　If　I？d　told　them；　they　would　have　tried　to　stop　me　from　leaving。？　His　
phone　started　beeping　wildly；　breaking　the　perfect　silence　of　the　calm　morning。　Nate　pulled　it　out　
of　his　pocket　and　silenced　it　again。　？And　I　might　have　let　them。？　He　glanced　at　the　phone　in　his　
hand　and　its　screen　flashing　18　MISSED　CALLS。　He　flipped　it　open　and　punched　at　the　keypad；　
knowing　exactly　what　he　needed　to　say　in　his　text。　He　pressed　SEND　and　then　SEND　again。　And　
then　he　brought　his　throwing　arm　back　and　tossed　the　phone　out　to　sea。　It　made　a　tiny　splash　as　it　
hit　the　calm　surface　of　the　water。　

Chips　nodded　approvingly　and　Nate　grabbed　a　rope　to　hoist　the　sail；　giving　it　a　fierce　pull。　The　
sail　rose　above　him；　fluttered　in　the　breeze；　and　then　grew　taut。　

？We？re　off！？　Chips　cried　as　the　boat　motored　out　into　the　harbor。　

Nate　watched　the　dock　grow　smaller　and　smaller。　Maybe　college　was　the　right　choice　for　most　
people；　but　it　wasn？t　for　him？at　least　not　now。　Yale　could　wait。　He　needed　time　to　figure　out　who　
he　was　and　what　he　really　wanted；　and　he　was　never　going　to　do　that　if　every　spare　minute　was　
taken　up　with　classes；　papers；　and　。　。　。　Blair。　Or　Serena。　

The　tall　buildings　of　Manhattan　began　to　recede　into　the　distance；　and　the　spires　of　the　Chrysler　
building　and　the　Empire　State　building　became　tiny　toy　versions　of　themselves。　The　island　Nate　
had　called　home　his　whole　life　suddenly　looked　。　。　。　small。　He　planted　his　feet　on　the　teak　planks　
of　the　deck　and　turned　his　head　into　the　wind　as　they　sailed　off　into　the　sparkling；　endless　blue。　

Like　we？re　never　going　to　hear　from　him　again？　Not　a　chance。　The　world　is　big；　but　notthat　big。　

the　long　goodbye　

Blair　crossed　her　arms　and　tapped　her　toe　impatiently　on　the　platform　as　the　train　began　to　fill　up　
with　hundreds　of　luggage…toting　passengers。　She　was　so　fucking　on　edge　that　she　felt　like　she　
might　throw　up。　The　bright　silver　train　cars　were　momentarily　engulfed