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crazier。　And　if　drinking　didn？t　work；　he　was　going　to　go　out　and　sit　on　the　steps　of　the　Met　and　
smoke　all　six　of　the　emergency　joints　in　his　pocket。　

Old　habits　die　hard。　

He　raised　his　glass　to　take　another　slug　and　felt　a　big　slap　on　his　back；　causing　him　to　nearly　
choke。　He　turned　to　see　his　father　standing　right　beside　him。　

？There　you　are。？　The　Captain　was　wearing　his　custom…made　English　double…breasted　tuxedo；　a　
black　satin　bow　tie　set　at　his　throat；　his　gray　hair　neatly　bed　back　from　his　aristocratic　face。　He　


set　his　empty　champagne　glass　down　on　the　bar　next　to　Nate？s。　

？Well；　I　hear　someone？s　bailed　you　out？as　usual；？　the　Captain　proclaimed。　？You？re　one　lucky　
boy。　Do　you　know　that？？　

Nate　ran　his　hands　through　his　hair；　nodding　mechanically。　Leave　it　to　his　dad　to　reduce　him　to　a　
drunken　asshole　with　no　dick。　

？Though　I　suppose　I　shouldn？t　give　Lady　Luck　all　the　credit　for　your　good　fortune。You？ve　got　
one　industrious　girl…friend；？　his　father　remarked。　？You　don？t　deserve　her。？　Nate　blushed　and　
looked　at　his　feet。　He　knew　his　dad　was　right？hehadn？t　done　a　goddamn　thing　to　deserve　getting　
back　into　Yale？he？d　simply　been　lucky。　Lucky　that　he　had　a　girlfriend　who　didn？t　give　up　until　
she　got　her　way。　Lucky　thatshe　had　a　father　who　was　on　the　board　of　trustees。　

Blair　sidestepped　one　of　the　Adonises　as　she　walked　over；　her　azure　dress　floating　around　her　like　
waves。　Through　the　window　behind　her；　Nate　could　see　the　cars　flying　down　Fifth　Avenue；　some　
of　them　slowing　as　they　passed　the　gala　happening　inside。　

？Blair；　darling。？　The　Captain　slipped　an　arm　around　Blair？s　tiny　shoulders。　？I　was　just　telling　my　
ungrateful　son　here　that　he　doesn？t　deserve　you。？　He　cracked　a　smile。　Nate　hated　it　when　his　
father　tried　to　be　charming？especially　when　it　was　at　his　expense。　

？That？s　true。？　Blair？s　blue　eyes　sparkled　with　mischief。　？But　he　knows　that。？　She　slipped　her　
arm　through　Nate？s　and　rested　her　head　on　his　shoulder。　It　occurred　to　Nate　that　she？d　e　to　
rescue　him　from　his　father。　He　reallydidn？t　deserve　her。　

？This　calls　for　a　toast；？　Captain　Archibald　announced　jovially；　picking　up　two　champagne　flutes　
filled　with　golden　liquid　from　the　bar　and　handing　one　each　to　Nate　and　Blair　before　raising　his　
own　glass。　？You？re　Yalies　now。？　The　

Captain　motioned　in　their　direction　with　his　full　glass。　？Here？s　to　the　navy　blue！？　Nate　opened　
his　mouth　to　say　something；　anything；　but　nothing　came　out。　A　Yalie？　He　certainly　didn？t　feel　like　
one。　？You　know；　Dad；？　he　began；　choosing　his　words　carefully；　？I　wanted　to　thank　you　for　
introducing　me　to　Chips？er；　Captain　Chips。？　He　paused　to　swallow　a　gulp　of　champagne。　？He　
really　taught　me　a　lot　about　being　a　man　。　。　。　and　uh　。　。　。　thinking　with　your　。　。　。　you　know。？　Blair　
nodded　distractedly；　and　Nate　followed　her　gaze？she　was　staring　at　Chuck　Bass；　of　all　people。　
Nate　was　about　to　be　jealous　when　he　noticed　that　Chuck　was　standing　with　a　nerdy　blond　
spectacled　kid　in　a　too…small　tux；　his　orange…and…blue　monkey…patterned　socks　exposed　above　his　
scuffed　loafers。　Chuck　was　holding　his　chattering；　screeching　monkey　up　to　an　enormous；　ancient　
mirror　so　the　monkey　could　admire　his　tuxedo　and　hot　pink　bow　tie　identical　to　Chuck？s。　Wow。　
And　Nate　thoughthe　had　problems。　

Nate　turned　away　and　searched　his　father？s　face　for　some　kind　of　recognition　or　understanding；　
but　Captain　Archibald　seemed　oblivious　to　what　Nate　was　trying　to　say。　


His　father　smiled　and　clinked　glasses　with　Nate　again。　？I？m　glad　it　helped；　son。You　certainly　are　
one　lucky　kid；？　he　repeated；　looking　at　Blair　appreciatively。　Blair　giggled　and　squeezed　Nate？s　
hand。　Nate　just　buried　his　nose　in　his　champagne。　

Glug；　glug；　glug。　

？Nathaniel！？　He　heard　someone　call　from　behind　him　and　turned　around　to　see　his　mother　
approach　from　the　neighboring　Egyptian　exhibit。　She　wore　bright　red　lipstick；　a　red　poppy　in　her　
dark　hair；　and　a　sweeping　red　gown　that　looked　like　it　had　e　straight　from　the　set　
ofCarmen　。　？Darling；？　she　cooed　in　her　French　accent；　kissing　her　son　on　either　cheek。　？Your　
father？s　told　me　the　good　news。　I？m　so　glad。　But　I？m　afraid　we　can？t　stay　to　celebrate？we？re　off　
to　the　opera。？　Throughout　Nate？s　life；　his　mom　had　spent　more　time　shopping　and　attending　the　
opera　or　a　gala　to　benefit　the　opera　than　she　had　with　her　only　son；　leaving　precious　little　to　talk　
about。　Once　a　year；　at　Christmas　time；　she　met　him　for　a　drink　at　the　bar　in　the　Carlyle　Hotel；　
where　she？d　attempt　to　pry　into　his　love　life。　It　was　totally　embarrassing。　

？I？m　so　。　。　。　glad　you？re　glad；　Mom；？　he　responded　lamely。　？Congratulations；mon　cherie　。？　His　
mother　gave　him　another　kiss；　squeezing　his　hand　before　she　dragged　the　Captain　away　to　their　
waiting　town　car。　

Nate　turned　to　Blair；　ready　to　confess　to　her　how　confused　and　freaked　out　he　felt；　but　she　was　
chatting　with　the　bartender　while　he　tried　pathetically　to　get　her　number。　Maybe　Blair　had　bigger　
balls　than　he　did；　but　she　couldn？t　figure　this　out　for　him。　No　one　could。　

Except　maybe　that　joint　in　his　pocket。　

this　is　your　life；　b。　。　。　。　

Eleanor　Waldorf　Rose　stood　on　the　landing　of　the　Met？s　great　staircase；　a　tiny　silver　microphone　
in　one　hand。　The　gold　sequins　of　her　gown　glittered　in　the　spotlight；　casting　a　disco…ball　effect　
across　the　Met？s　Great　Hall。　Blair　thought　she　looked　like　a　seventies…era　Statue　of　Liberty。　

？Hello　everyone；？　she　chirped；　beaming　at　the　collection　of　partygoers　who　had　been　shuffled　
from　the　Ancient　Greek　room　into　the　Met？s　impressive　entryway。　？I　hope　you？re　having　a　good　
time！？　？We　are！？　Cyrus　cheered　from　his　perch　on　the　steps　below。　He　raised　his　nearly　empty　
glass；　his　eyes　bulging　idiotically。　Blair　sank　a　little　lower　in　the　thronelike　seat　Davita　had　
provided　for　her　next　to　a　table　adorned　with　special　gold…flecked　Magnolia　cupcakes。　She　could　
tell　things　were　about　to　get　extremely　embarrassing。　

？I　can？t　believe　all　of　you　wonderful　children　are　leaving　for　college　tomorrow；？　Eleanor　gushed　


into　the　microphone。　？It　seems　like　just　yesterday　that　we　were　dropping　you　off　at　preschool！　
And　now　you？re　all　grown　up。？　

The　crowd　cheered　wildly。　The　anticipation　of　being　at　college　in　only　a　day　or　two　was　getting　
to　them。　Eleanor　nodded　at　Davita；　who　was　in　the　far　corner　of　the　room；　murmuring　instructions　
into　her　headset。　？But　before　you　go　forward　into　your　new　lives；？　Eleanor　continued；　？I　thought　it　
might　be　fun　to　take　a　look　back　and　see　just　how　far　you？ve　all　e！？　she　crowed。　She　stepped　
back　and　the　lights　dimmed。　A　huge　screen　was　lowered　from　above；　as　if　it　had　e　from　the　
heavens。　

Nope；　just　from　Bang　&　Olufsen。　

Blair　picked　at　an　uneaten　cupcake；　steeling　herself　for　？Lean　on　Me？　or　whatever　cheesy…ass　
song　her　mom　had　chosen　to　set　the　slide　show　to。　

What　you　gon？　do　with　all　that　junk？　All　that　junk　inside　your　trunk？　

Suddenly　the　first　notes　to　the　Black　Eyed　Peas？　？My　Humps？　filled　the　air。　Had　her　mom　
seriously　picked　this　song　for　the　slide　show　of　Blair？slife　？　Wasn？t　it　a　song　aboutboobs　？　
Orbutts　？　Orvaginas　？　What　in　hell　was　she　smoking？　

And　where　can　we　get　some？　

Photographs　began　flashing　over　the　screen。　First　came　Blair？s　kindergarten　class　picture；　Blair　
and　Serena　holding　hands　and　kneeling　in　the　front　row　wearing　matching　dorky　white　turtlenecks。　
She　remembered　that　they？d　had　to　take　the　class　picture　five　times；　because　every　time　the　
photographer　got　to　？cheese；？　Blair　and　Serena　had　promptly　stuck　their　tongues　out；　not　caring　
that　all　the　other　girls　were　getting　fidgety　and　annoyed？that　had　made　it　all　the　more　fun。　

Next　came　a　photo　of　the　two　girls　at　tennis　camp；　the　one　summer　Serena？s　parents　had　forced　
her　to　go。　Both　girls　wore　their　hair　in　ponytails；　their　skin　tan　against　their　tennis　whites。　Serena　
was　playing　her　racket　like　a　guitar；　her　eyes　closed　as　she　strummed　the　strings　in　a　rock…star　pose；　
while　Blair　was　doubled　over　laughing　right　next　to　her；　tears　in　her　eyes。　

Blair　looked　up　at　the　enormous　photograph；　and　much　to　her　surprise；　her　own　eyes　began　to　fill　
with　tears。　She　wiped　them　away　hastily；　trying　not　to　ruin　her　makeup。　Looking　up　at　their　
smiling；　happy　faces；　she　couldn？t　help　really　missing　Serena？and　how　simple　things　used　to　be。　
She　couldn？t　believe　that　as　of　tomorrow　they？d　be　in　two　totally　different　places；　living　totally　
different　lives。　Blair　looked　over　at　Serena；　who　was　sitting　at　a　table　next　to　Chuck　and　his　
disgusting　primate。　On　the　other　side　of　the　table　were　Kati　and　Isabel；　Isabel　perched　on　a　chalky　
white　fake…statue　model？s　lap。　

At　least　someone？s　enjoying　the　party！　


Serena　turned　and　caught　Blair？s　eye。　She　grabbed　a　plate　from　the　table　in　front　of　her　and　
pretended　to　strum　it　like　she？d　played　the　tennis　racket　in　the　picture；　putting　it　back　down　again　
and　giggling。　Then　she　blew　Blair　a　kiss。　

Blair　laughed；　then　sniffled。　For　the　first　time　in　their　lives；　she　and　Serena　wouldn？t　be　able　to　
walk　over　to　each　other？s　houses　whenever　they　felt　like　it；　or　sit　on　the　steps　of　the　Met　gossiping　
for　hours。　Soon　she　and　Nate　would　be　at　Yale；　living　together　like　real　grown…ups；　and　Serena　
would　be　here　in　the　city；　busily　being　the　next　big　thing。　Blair　shook　her　head；　bewildered　by　
how　much　things　had　changed　in　what　really　was　so　little　time。　

Serena　watched　Blair？s　foxlike　profile　as　the　slide　changed　in　time　to　Eleanor？s　pletely　
ridiculous　music　selection。　On…screen；　Serena；　Nate；　and　Blair　were　ten　years　old；　eating　
Fudgsicles　in　Central　Park　on　Blair？s　favorite　navy　blue　Yale　blanket。　Nate　sat　cross…legged　while　
the　girls　perched　precariously　on　each　of　his　knees。　Serena？s　eyes　filled　with　tears　at　the　
realization　that　even　back　then；　they　were　sharing　him。　

Sharing　is　caring；　right？　

As　much　as　things　had　changed；　some　things　had　always　been　the　same。　She　looked　around　for　
Nate　and　spied　him　standing　near　the　Met？s　front　doors；　his　gaze　locked　on　the　screen。　She　raised　
her　hand　and　waved；　trying　to　get　his　attention；　but　he　didn？t　see　her。　She　grabbed　the　snowy　
white　tablecloth　in　her　fist　and　squeezed　the　material　between　her　fingers　as　Chuck？s　white　
monkey　climbed　onto　her　arm　and　began　picking　at　her　blond　hair。　

？Sorry；？　Chuck　whispered；　removing　the　monkey　from　her　shoulder　and　placing　it　in　his　lap。　？If　
you　don？t　behave？？he　wagged　his　index　finger　in　the　monkey？s　face？？I？m　sending　you　to　the　zoo。　
And　I　think　we　both　know　they　don？t　have　cupcakes　and　champagne　there。？　Vanessa　watched　the　
screen；　surprised　to　see　her　own　enormous　face　smiling　down　at　her　as　an　image　of　her　
Williamsburg　apartment　appeared。　Her　shaved　head　was　tilted　toward　Blair？s　shining　brunette　
mane；　their　tongues　stuck　out　at　the　camera；　near…white　polish　gleaming　on　Blair？s　nails　as　she　
held　one　hand　up　in　the　peace　sign。　Vanessa　smiled；　still　clinging　to　Dan？s　hand　as　she　waited　for　
the　next　slide。　

？It？s　so　weird　that　you　guys　were　roommates；？　Dan　muttered。　

？Totally；？　Vanessa　whispered。　But　even　though　they　still　had　nothing　in　mon；　Vanessa　was　
glad　she　and　Blair　were　friends。　As　different　as　they　were；　they？d　accepted　their　differences　and　
painted　each　other？s　toenails。　And　wasn？t　that　what　true　friendship　was　about？　Vanessa　nearly　
gagged　at　her　own　sentimentality；　but　it　was　all　true；　so　fuck　it。　

Dan　stared　up　at　a　large　photograph　of　Serena　at　the　Raves　show；　suddenly　noticing　himself　up　
on　stage　in　the　background；　sweat　dripping　from　his　black　T…shirt；　his　hair　flying　as　he　jumped　into　
the　air；　mike　cord　wrapped　around　one　skinny　arm。　He　laughed　at　his　own　idiotic　antics　and　
squeezed　Vanessa？s　fingers　for　reassurance。　Vanessa　had　been　with　him　through　every　bizarre　


moment　over　the　last　year？from　back　when　he　was　just　a　nerdy　guy　scribbling　in　a　shabby　
notebook　all　the　time；　to　a　published　poet　in　theNew　Yorker　；　to　an　almost　rock　star。　

Almost。　Except　for　the　whole　puking…on…stage　part。　And　now；　on　the　verge　of　a　road　trip　out　West　
that　would　lead　him　God　knew　where；　she　was　still　here？and　still　holding　his　hand。　

You　love　my　lady　lumps。　Check　it　out