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“I　don’t　want　to　do　that　goodbye　stuff　here。”　A　small　smile　formed　on　her　lovely　face　as　she　glanced　around　the　coffee　shop。

She　settled　her　gaze　on　Dan。　“I’ve　always　hated　it　here；”　she　confided。

And　now　she　never　has　to　go　back！

it’s　called　a　breakup　because　it’s　broken

“To　the　smartest；　sexiest　lawyer　I　know！　This　is　just　the　beginning；　Bear。”　Chuck　held　out　a　glass　of　champagne；　waiting　for　Blair　to　clink　her　glass　against　his。　They　were　squeezed　into　a　corner　table　at　Blue　Ribbon　Bakery；　nearby　Chuck’s　apartment　on　Thursday　morning；　and　the　bright　sun　streaming　through　the　windows　was　only　aiding　Blair’s　pounding　headache。　She　couldn’t　even　think　about　what　she　was　planning　to　order　for　brunch；　let　alone　toast　to　her　future。

Since　when　does　Blair　not　want　to　toast　something？

“Future　lawyer。”　Blair　rolled　her　eyes。　“I　have　to　go　to　law　school　before　I　can　actually　practice　law。”

She　knew　she　should　be　more　excited　that　she’d　been　officially　offered　a　job　at　McMahon　Cannon；　but　she’d　received　the　call　right　in　the　middle　of　eating　a　bagel　in　Nate’s　kitchen。　The　offer　was　an　unwele　reminder　that　she　really　was　a　grownup；　that　the　fun　and　giggly　and　totally　innocent　night　in　Nate’s　bed　was　probably　her　last；　that；　whether　she　liked　it　or　not；　she’d　chosen　a　path　for　her　life。

Which　is　a　heavy　realization　pre…brunch。

Blair　cautiously　sipped　her　champagne。　She　hadn’t　told　Chuck　where　she’d　spent　last　night。　It　was　just　easier　if　he　assumed　she　and　Serena　had　one　glass　too　many　of　wine　before　they’d　both　headed　back　to　the　Upper　East　Side。

“What　are　you　thinking？”

Blair　tried　to　suppress　a　sigh。　She’d　always　hated　that　question。　“What　am　I　thinking？”　she　parroted。　“That　there　should　be　some　fucking　service　here。　We’ve　been　sitting　here　for　twenty　minutes；”　she　snapped　in　annoyance。　She　hated　waiting。

“Are　you　okay？”　Chuck　asked；　placing　his　hand　protectively　on　top　of　hers。

Blair　resisted　the　urge　to　pull　away。　For　some　reason；　Chuck　was　so　annoying　today。

“I’m　just　tired。　Maybe　it’s　a　cold　or　something；”　Blair　lied；　pulling　on　the　sleeve　of　her　black　Vince　cashmere　sweater。　She　hadn’t　even　gone　home　to　change　after　the　impromptu　sleepover。　Maybe　that　was　her　problem。　A　nap；　a　shower；　and　a　change　of　clothes　and　she’d　be　fine。

If　only　it　were　that　simple…。

Chuck　nodded。　“I　thought　we　could　plan　our　summer；　now　that　your　job　is　all　set。　You　know；　for　something　to　look　forward　to。　Maybe　we　could　do　Capri　or　the　Maldives；　and　then　a　place　in　Water　Mill。　I　don’t　know　if　I’m　ready　to　buy　yet；　though；”　he　mused。

Blair’s　stomach　lurched。　Where　the　fuck　was　the　waiter？　She　felt　like　she　was　going　to　throw　up。　And　why　was　Chuck　talking　about　buying　a　house　in　the　Hamptons？　She’d　only　just　turned　twenty…one。　Couldn’t　they　act　like　normal　college　students？　She　wouldn’t　mind　a　little　more　fun　and　a　little　less　real　estate。

She　took　a　deep　breath。　She　felt　like　the　cream　walls　of　the　restaurant　were　closing　in　on　her。　Around　her；　patrons　were　chatting　and　clinking　their　silverware。　But　suddenly；　the　noise　was　intolerable。　“I　can’t　do　this；”　she　blurted；　the　words　out　before　she　could　stop　them。　She　glanced　up　at　Chuck。　His　face　was　impossible　to　read。　“I　can’t；”　she　said　more　firmly。　Her　voice　trembled；　but　she　was　more　sure　of　herself　than　she’d　been　in　a　long　time。

Chuck’s　face　fell。　“Do　you　mean　the　apartment？　You　can　redo　it　if　you　want…。”

Blair　shook　her　head。　The　apartment　was　beautiful。　But　it　wasn’t　right。　For　one；　she’d　never　wanted　to　live　in　the　Village。　Ever　since　she　was　little；　whenever　she’d　imagined　her　life　as　an　adult；　she　pictured　an　apartment　off　Fifth　Avenue　within　walking　distance　of　Barneys　and　the　park。　But　it　wasn’t　just　location。　It　was　the　fact　that　deep　down；　she　wasn’t　sure　if　she　wanted　to　be　in　a　relationship。　At　least　not　right　now。　Not　with　someone　who　was　so　ready　to　settle　down。　Weren’t　your　twenties　supposed　to　be　wild　and　crazy　and　full　of　adventures？

Let’s　hope　so。

“Sorry。”　Blair　absentmindedly　pulled　the　ugly　red　carnation　out　of　its　vase　on　the　table　and　began　ripping　it　apart。　The　dark　red　petals　fell　to　the　oak　table　like　little　drops　of　blood。　“I’m　just—I　think　I　need　a　break；”　she　said　just　as　a　black…shirted　waiter　approached　the　table；　order　pad　in　hand。

“I’ll　e　back；”　the　waiter　squeaked　in　a　high　falsetto；　turning　terrifiedly　on　his　newly　shined　heel。

“I　mean；　the　apartment　is　great；　but　what　if　I　get　into　Harvard　Law？　Then　what？　What　if　I　decide　to　take　a　year　off　before　law　school　and　live　in　Paris？”　Blair　said　in　a　rush　of　words；　surprising　herself　as　she　heard　them。

“I　understand；”　Chuck　said　thickly。　His　dark　eyes　clouded　over　and　he　glanced　out　the　steamy　restaurant　window　at　the　pedestrians　passing；　as　if　to　pose　himself。

Even　though　it　was　what　she　wanted　to　hear；　tears　sprang　to　her　eyes。　Chuck　knew　that　she　liked　dirty　martinis　with　extra　olive　juice　at　the　Campbell　Apartment　bar　in　Grand　Central；　surprised　her　with　lilacs　on　the　days　she　had　exams；　and　had　redecorated　his　apartment　in　her　favorite　colors。　Maybe　they　could　be　together　at　some　point　in　the　future。　But　not　right　now。

“Thank　you；”　she　whispered。　It　was　funny。　For　once　in　her　life；　the　movie　in　her　mind　wasn’t　playing。　She　had　no　idea　what　her　next　line　was　or　how　she　should　exit。　She　had　no　idea　if　any　man　was　waiting　in　the　wings。

Blair　scraped　her　chair　back　and　stood　up。　She　didn’t　want　to　make　a　scene；　but　she　was　worried　if　she　didn’t　stand　up　and　get　out；　she　never　would。　The　last　thing　she　wanted　was　to　find　herself　in　ten　years　having　the　same　conversation　about　Hamptons　homes　with　Chuck。

She　felt　tears　beginning　to　well　in　her　eyes。　“’Bye；”　she　said　finally；　running　out　before　the　deluge。

notes　from　around　the　world

Serena　sat　on　the　center　of　her　bed　in　her　childhood　bedroom；　hugging　her　knees　to　her　chest。　She　hadn’t　moved　since　ing　home　from　her　coffee　date　turned　breakup　with　Dan。　It　was　too　exhausting　to　figure　out　what　to　do　with　herself。　She　wanted　to　cry；　to　release　all　the　confused　feelings　inside　her；　but　she　couldn’t。

She　glanced　from　the　white　molding　on　the　ceiling　to　the　framed　Breakfast　at　Fred’s　poster　over　her　antique　bureau　to　the　tiny　silver　Tiffany　box　on　her　night　table。　The　box　housed　all　her　baby　teeth。　In　high　school；　Nate　loved　shaking　them　out　onto　her　white　eyelet　pillowcase；　counting　the　teeth；　and　marveling　at　how　tiny　they　were。

Serena　sighed。　Dan　had　noticed　the　tiny　box；　but　only　to　note　that　it　was　pretty。　He’d　never　asked　what　was　in　it。　It　was　sort　of　like　their　relationship—on　the　surface　it　seemed　perfect；　but　they　were　both　too　afraid　to　really　look　at　what　was　inside。

In　a　way；　their　breakup　had　felt　inevitable。　When　she　was　at　Yale　and　he　was　at　Columbia；　they’d　make　plans　for　the　next　weekend　or　next　break；　but　they’d　never　talked　about　the　future。　And　Serena　never　really　wanted　to　move　to　Iowa。　It　was　just　that　she　had　no　idea　what　she　wanted　to　do。

Her　eyes　fell　on　the　travel　scrapbook　Fiona　had　given　her；　sitting　on　her　bureau。　She　crossed　the　room　and　picked　it　up；　flopping　back　down　on　her　bed。　A　familiar　hum　began　to　course　through　her　body。

Wanderlust？

Serena　stared　out　the　window。　A　snow　flurry　had　begun；　swirling　feathery　white　flakes　down　Fifth　Avenue　and　onto　the　treeless　expanse　of　park　across　from　her　bedroom。　It　was　such　a　wonderfully　familiar　old　view；　one　that　she’d　cherish　forever。　But　she　could　leave　and　it　would　still　be　there　when　she　got　back。　Serena’s　heart　beat　excitedly。　A　small　smile　formed　on　her　lips。　For　the　first　time　in　a　long　time；　she　knew　exactly　what　she　wanted　to　do。

And　who　she　wants　to　do　it　with？

miss　independent

Jenny　ran　up　the　steps　of　Nate’s　stately；　ivy…covered　town　house　on　Monday　night；　ready　for　their　date。　She　and　Elise　had　gone　out　the　past　few　nights；　following　Tyler　to　all　of　his　DJ　gigs　around　the　city。　It　was　just　so　much　fun　to　dress　up　and　be　ushered　into　a　whole　other　world　where　music　ruled；　to　dance　until　4　a。m。；　to　shake　her　long　hair　until　it　got　sweaty　and　tangled。

In　the　past；　Jenny　had　never　been　one　for　clubbing—she’d　been　too　young　when　she　was　living　in　the　city；　Waverly　was　out　in　the　middle　of　nowhere；　and　in　Providence　she　and　Nate　were　often　in　bed　by　ten　o’clock。　It　wasn’t　like　there　was　anything　else　to　do。　Sure；　she　had　acquaintances　from　her　classes　with　whom　she　attended　student　art　shows；　and　Nate　had　a　few　sailing　buddies；　but　neither　of　them　had　any　real　friends。　Reconnecting　with　Elise　had　reminded　Jenny　how　important　it　was　to　have　people　around　you　who　could　make　you　snort　Diet　Coke　out　your　nose；　who　could　spend　hours　debating　whether　or　not　a　Proenza　Schouler　dress　for　Target　looked　like　the　real　thing；　who　could　physically　restrain　you　from　making　out　with　a　cute　young　DJ。

Wait；　what？

Jenny　pressed　the　doorbell　with　a　pink…polished　finger。　She　shifted　her　weight　from　one　Frye　boot　to　the　other；　wondering　if　Nate　would　be　able　to　sense　that　she’d　almost　kissed　Tyler。　Who　knows　if　it　actually　would　have　happened。　But　last　night　while　they　were　dancing；　he　just　looked　so　cute；　with　his　hair　flopping　over　his　hazel　eyes；　his　T…shirt　just　tight　enough　to　show　off　his　toned　arms；　lip…synching　the　lyrics　of　the　song　that　was　playing　because　he　was　so　into　it。　Just　as　Jenny　had　leaned　in；　Elise　had　grabbed　her　by　the　crook　of　the　arm　and　yanked　her　out　of　the　club　and　into　a　cab。

Jenny　had　felt　relieved；　but　ever　since；　she’d　found　it　impossible　to　get　Tyler　out　of　her　head。　What　would’ve　happened　if　they　had　kissed？　And　if　it　was　just　an　innocent　lean…in；　then　why　did　she　feel　so　guilty？

“e　up！”　Nate　yelled　into　the　inter；　interrupting　Jenny’s　reverie。

Jenny　climbed　the　winding　staircase　toward　Nate’s　top…floor　bedroom。　The　town　house　always　seemed　spookily　quiet　whenever　she　walked　in。

“Hi。”　Jenny　pushed　open　the　heavy　oak　door。

“Hey！”　Nate　said　from　his　corner　desk；　not　looking　up　from　his　Mac　Air。　He　wore　a　pair　of　red　flannel　Ralph　Lauren　boxers　and　no　shirt。　Jenny　paused　at　the　doorway。　Of　course　she　didn’t　mind　seeing　his　abs；　which　looked　as　taut　and　tan　in　December　as　they　did　in　July；　but　he　wasn’t　exactly　dressed　for　dinner。

“Are　you　going　to　get　ready　soon？”　She　tugged　at　the　frayed　hem　on　the　cute　flapper…style　dress　she’d　bought　senior　year　at　What　Goes　Around　es　Around；　the　vintage　store　in　Rhinecliff。

Nate　shrugged。　“I　thought　we’d　just　stay　here　and　order　in；”　he　said　easily。　One　of　the　things　he　loved　most　about　Jenny　was　how　easy　she　was　to　be　around。　Back　when　he’d　dated　Blair；　he’d　sometimes　felt　like　a　cruise　ship　director；　always　having　to　e　up　with　an　activity　to　entertain　her。　But　Jenny　was　fine　lying　around　in　bed　and　eating　Chinese　food。

How　romantic。

“Oh；”　Jenny　said；　disappointed。　She　sat　on　his　bed；　crossing　her　tiny　legs。　The　clock　on　his　nightstand　read　eight　twenty…one。　Suddenly；　the　evening　seemed　to　loom　endlessly　in　front　of　them。　“Are　you　sure？”　Jenny　asked；　already　knowing　the　answer。　Of　course　Nate　wanted　to　stay　in。　Just　like　always。　But　Jenny　was　itching　to　go　out；　to　do　something。

“Yeah。”　Nate　sat　down　next　to　her　and　slipped　her　coat　off　her　shoulders。　His　fingers　brushed　underneath　the　skinny　strap　of　her　dress。　“All　I　need　is　you。”　He　leaned　over　to　kiss　her。

Jenny　pulled　away。　She　didn’t　want　to　just　eat　takeout　in　bed；　like　they　did　every　night　in　Providence。　She　wanted　romance　and　intrigue　and　maybe　a　little　bit　of　drama。　She　wanted　to　yell　over　music　until　her　voice　hurt。

“I　think…”　Jenny　trailed　off　and　looked　down　at　her　tiny　hands。

“What’s　wrong；　Meow？”　Nate　asked；　his　hand　at　the　midthigh　hem　of　her　dress。

“I　don’t　think　this　is　working；”　Jenny　said；　gaining　her　voice　as　she　went。　This　wasn’t　just　about　Tyler—not　really；　anyway。　There　was　a　huge　world　out　there；　and　Jenny　needed　to　do　more　than　eat　spareribs　in　bed。

“What？”　Nate　blinked。　Was　Jenny　dumping　him？　“But　I　love　you；　Jen；”　he　said；　fumbling　for　words。

“I’ll　always　love　you；”　Jenny　said　softly。　It　was　true。　He’d　always　be　the　boy　of　her　dreams；　her　Upper　East　Side　prince。　She　leaned　in