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ink；　and　disappeared　down　to　the　galley；　leaving　him　with　just　the　sky　and　the　endless　sea　for　pany。

“Thanks；”　Nate　muttered。　He　gripped　the　bow　of　the　ancient　but　sturdy　ship；　feeling　the　salty　wind　on　his　face。　Maybe　Chips　was　right。　He’d　had　some　time　away。　Some　time　to　think　and　be　on　his　own；　to　see　the　world　and　bee　a　man。　He　couldn’t　just　sail　forever。

It　was　time　to　go　back　and　decide　what　to　really　do　with　his　life。　And　when　he　saw　Blair　and　Serena；　he’d　be　ready　to　choose。　Maybe　it　was　best　not　to　overthink　it。　When　he　saw　them；　he’d　just　know。　There　was　no　time　like　the　present。　He　was　ready。

Okay；　but　are　they　ready　for　him？

love　and　other　impossible　pursuits

Dan　Humphrey　poured　a　cup　of　black　Folgers　coffee　into　a　chipped　red　mug　and　shuffled　toward　the　living　room　of　his　family’s　sprawling　Upper　West　Side　apartment。　He　sank　down　on　the　frayed；　overstuffed　beige　couch；　causing　Marx；　the　Humphreys’　fat　black…with…a…dot…of…white　cat；　to　jump　off　the　cushion　in　protest。

It　was　still　early；　but　Dan　felt　too　keyed　up　to　sleep。　He’d　gotten　home　from　his　first　semester　at　Evergreen　College　in　Washington　State　a　week　ago；　and　it　was　finally　beginning　to　sink　in　that　he　wasn’t　going　back。

Ever。

He’d　applied　to　transfer　to　Columbia　for　second　semester　and　had　received　his　acceptance　letter　during　reading　week　before　exams。　After　his　philosophy　final；　he’d　packed　up　his　metallic　blue　’77　Buick　Skylark　and　driven　cross…country；　arriving　in　the　city　just　in　time　to　spend　Christmas　Eve　with　his　dad；　Rufus；　and　his　little　sister；　Jenny。

The　holidays　had　been　nice。　Jenny　had　given　him　a　blue　Banana　Republic　sweater；　his　dad　a　collection　of　Charles　Bukowski　books；　and　they’d　all　eaten　dinner　at　their　favorite　Chinese　restaurant；　which　served　bad　boxed　white　wine　with　every　order。　It　had　been　great　to　see　his　family；　but　the　whole　time；　he’d　been　counting　down　the　hours　until　he　could　see　his　girlfriend—shaven…headed；　filmmaker　genius；　love　of　his　life　Vanessa　Abrams。

Vanessa　had　actually　been　living　in　Dan’s　family’s　apartment　for　the　past　semester；　while　attending　Tisch　School　of　the　Arts　at　NYU。　Her　film　equipment　sat　in　one　corner　of　Dan’s　bedroom；　and　her　black　tank　tops　and　bras　were　in　the　top　drawer　of　the　rickety　bureau　in　the　corner。　It　was　sheer　torture　being　surrounded　by　her　stuff；　and　not　her—Vanessa　was　up　in　Vermont；　visiting　her　parents　for　the　holidays；　until　Wednesday。　She　didn’t　even　know　that　Dan　was　transferring　to　Columbia；　he　wanted　to　surprise　her　with　the　news　in　person　rather　than　via　their　evening　Skype　calls。　Now；　the　anticipation　was　killing　him。

The　gallon　of　Folgers　can’t　help；　either。

Dan　grabbed　his　black　Moleskine　notebook　and　flipped　to　a　blank　page。　It　wasn’t　difficult　to　find　one：　Practically　every　page　was　blank。　He’d　had　writer’s　block　from　the　moment　he　stepped　on　campus　in　September。　When　he’d　decided　to　go　to　Evergreen；　it　had　seemed　like　a　good　idea　to　get　out　of　the　city。　After　all；　he’d　lived　here　forever。　But　in　the　Pacific　Northwest；　everything　was　just…。　wrong。　There　was　too　much　space；　the　trees　were　too　tall；　and　the　coffee　had　names　like　organic　shade…grown　mild　blend　and　earth…friendly　mellow　brew。　His　dorm　fielded　its　own　Ultimate　Hacky　Sack　team；　his　roommate　was　a　vegan　allergic　to　cigarette　smoke；　and　every　single　poem　his　classmates　submitted　in　his　creative　writing　seminar　was　about　pot。

The　only　thing　that　got　Dan　through　was　the　thought　of　Vanessa。　He’d　text　her　all　throughout　the　day；　every　time　something　funny　or　tragic　or　inane　happened；　and　he　always　arranged　his　day　around　their　nightly　Skype　calls。　But　Vanessa　was　so　busy　with　school　that　she　was　sometimes　rushed　or　distracted；　and　seeing　her　pixilated　face　just　wasn’t　the　same　as　holding　her　in　his　arms。

Dan　thoughtfully　chewed　the　end　of　his　Bic　pen。　Suddenly；　for　the　first　time　in　several　months；　words　began　to　flow。

Missed　kisses。

Missed　shreds　of　carpet。

Torn　by　your　Doc　Marten　feet。

I’ve　lost　weight。

Or　maybe　it’s　just　you　I’m　missing。

Maybe　it　was　the　promise　of　Vanessa　or　the　hiss　of　the　radiator　in　the　corner　or　the　chipped　mug　he’d　drunk　millions　of　cups　of　coffee　out　of；　but　suddenly；　he　could　write。　Dan　grinned　to　himself；　adrenaline　rushing　from　writing　his　first　almost…poem　in　months。　He　was　back。

And　better　than　ever？

“Daniel！”　Rufus　Humphrey　boomed　as　he　strode　into　the　living　room　from　his　office。　He　wore　a　pair　of　paint…stained　blue　sweatpants　that　read　BROADWAY　BOWLING　LEAGUE　down　the　leg　and　a　stretched…out　pink　T…shirt　that　said　CRUISE　TO　LOSE　below　a　picture　of　Richard　Simmons。　His　wiry　gray　hair　was　held　back　with　a　red　velvet　bow；　left　over　from　Christmas。　“It’s　too　quiet　around　here　since　Jenny　left　for　Bermuda　or　Burundi　or　wherever　she　went　with　her　fancy　Waverly　friends。　Is　it　just　me；　or　is　Jenny　noisier　than　before？”

“Probably。”　Dan　shrugged。　Jenny　was　currently　in　the　Bahamas　with　her　boarding　school　friend；　the　governor　of　Georgia’s　daughter。　When　Dan　left　in　August；　Jenny　was　still　his　little　sister。　But　she　seemed　to　have　matured　six　years　in　her　four　short　months　at　Waverly。　Now　she　was　self…assured　and　confident　and　didn’t　cross　her　arms　over　her　chest　all　the　time。

Rufus　leaned　down　and　picked　up　the　notebook　from　the　coffee　table。　“What　is　this？”　he　asked；　flipping　through　pages。　“‘Doc　Marten　feet；’”　Rufus　intoned；　as　if　reciting　a　monologue。　Dan　cringed。　Rufus　was　an　editor　of　lesser　Beat　poets　and　had　always　taken　special　interest　and　pride　in　Dan’s　literary　acplishments。　He　suddenly　felt　ashamed　that　the　only　thing　he’d　written　in　the　past　three　months　was　a　haiku。　He’d　anonymously　posted　it　on　the　door　of　the　dorm　bathroom；　asking　his　hall　mates　to　please　not　pee　on　the　floor。

“You　know；　this　isn’t　bad；”　Rufus　said　thoughtfully；　holding　the　book　close　to　his　face　as　he　settled　on　the　couch　next　to　Dan。　“It’s　a　postmodern　interpretation　of　Sandberg。　It’s　been　done　before；　but　it’s　not　horrible。”

“Thanks。”　Dan　yanked　the　notebook　away　from　his　dad。

“And　this　is　only　the　beginning。　I　just　know　you’ll　really　let　your　creative　juices　flow　on　our　retreat！”　Rufus　said　fondly　as　he　ruffled　Dan’s　hair。

Dan　swatted　his　dad’s　hand　away。　Fuck。　He’d　forgotten　that　he’d　promised　to　join　Rufus　and　a　couple　of　his　Beat　poet　buddies　on　an　artists’　retreat　over　New　Year’s。　He’d　agreed　before　the　Columbia　acceptance　had　e；　when　anything　besides　his　current　reality　had　sounded　like　paradise。　But　he　didn’t　want　to　leave　Manhattan　so　soon。　He　had　so　much　to　do　before　the　semester　started；　like　look　for　cheap　studio　apartments　for　him　and　Vanessa。

That　would　definitely　surprise　her。

“Don’t　tell　me　you’re　not　ing！”　Rufus　pouted；　noticing　Dan’s　hesitation。　“I　haven’t　seen　you　since　August—the　least　you　can　do　is　spend　four　days　with　your　old　man。　I　know　I　won’t　see　you　much　once　Vanessa　gets　here。”

“You’ll　still　see　me；”　Dan　mumbled；　even　though　he　knew　it　was　true。　Once　Vanessa　was　back；　Dan　never　wanted　to　let　her　out　of　his　sight　again。　He　sighed。　“No；　I’ll　e；”　Dan　said　definitively　as　he　headed　toward　the　sink　with　his　coffee　mug。

“Great！　I’ll　make　sure　to　stock　up　on　some　supplies　for　you；　then。　We’re　going　to　build　a　sweat　lodge　and　sweat　out　our　demons。　This　old　man　needs　a　Speedo！”

“Get　some　bagels　while　you’re　out！”　Dan　called　to　Rufus’s　retreating　back。　He　turned　on　the　water　and　squeezed　dish　soap　into　the　sink；　smiling　at　the　tiny　bubbles　swishing　in　the　coffee　mug。　A　poem　was　already　forming　in　his　head。

Avocados　in　the　morning；　with　cake。

Death　by　chocolate。

You　kill　me；　you　really　do。

And　I’ve　been　alive　too　long。

Dan　hurriedly　set　the　mug　on　the　dish　drainer　so　he　could　write　down　the　first　few　lines。　He　sank　down　onto　the　couch　and　picked　up　his　notebook。　As　he　started　to　write；　he　heard　keys　scraping　in　the　lock。

“I’m　home！”　A　female　voice　echoed　through　the　apartment　as　the　door　creaked　open。

Dan　blinked　and　his　breath　caught　in　his　throat。　So　many　times　he’d　imagined　her：　his　perpetually　black…garbed　muse。　But　now　she　was　here；　framed　by　the　entryway。　Her　hair　had　grown　into　a　sleek　black　pixie　cut　and　she　wore　a　red　coat　and　black　jeans。　Her　cheeks　were　red　from　the　cold；　contrasting　beautifully　against　her　alabaster　skin。

“Surprise！”　Vanessa　cried；　tossing　her　army　green　duffel　bag　on　the　floor。　It　was　so　familiar；　and　yet　so　strange；　to　see　Dan　sitting　on　the　couch；　frowning　down　at　a　notebook。　It　was　as　if　she’d　taken　a　time　machine　back　four　months　to　last　summer。

She　threw　her　arms　around　Dan　and　kissed　him　hungrily。　“Mmm；　you　feel　good；”　Vanessa　murmured。　She　ran　her　hands　all　over　his　thin　white　Hanes　T…shirt。　She　could　feel　his　heart　thumping　in　his　chest。

“How　are　you　here？”　Dan　croaked。　It　was　hard　to　believe　this　was　real；　and　not　some　post…traumatic　stress　hallucination　left　over　from　Evergreen。

“I　missed　you。”　Vanessa　shrugged。　She’d　left　Vermont　this　morning；　after　she　realized　that　a　week　with　her　hippie…parents　was　more　than　enough　time。　Besides；　she　wanted　to　surprise　Dan。　He’d　always　seemed　so　down　on　their　Skypes。

“I　missed　you　too。”　Dan　kissed　Vanessa　again。　He　didn’t　like　their　lips　being　apart。　“I　have　so　much　to　tell　you；”　he　breathed。　He’d　meant　to　tell　Vanessa　about　Columbia　over　a　glass　of　red　wine　or　at　least　after　he’d　taken　a　shower　and　brushed　his　teeth。　But　he　couldn’t　handle　the　thought　of　waiting　another　minute。

“I　have　so　much　to　tell　you　too！”　Vanessa　said　eagerly。　There　was　so　much　he　needed　to　get　caught　up　on　in　her　life。　She　couldn’t　wait　to　bring　him　to　Bushwick　and　go　to　one　of　the　all…night　parties　that　her　sophomore　friends　Brianna　and　Kara　held　on　the　first　Sunday　of　every　month。　She　couldn’t　wait　to　show　him　some　of　the　films　she’d　made。　She　couldn’t　wait　to　spend　all　day　at　the　International　Film　Center；　making　out　and　watching　movies。

Dan　stood　up。　“Follow　me。”　He　led　the　way　toward　his　bedroom。

“Is　it　a　present？”　Vanessa　asked　as　she　trailed　down　the　hallway　after　him。　She　hoped　not。　They’d　decided　not　to　give　presents　to　each　other　this　holiday　and　instead　put　the　money　toward　an　emergency　plane　ticket　fund　so　Dan　could　e　visit　when　the　distance　was　feeling　unbearable。

“Nope。”　Dan　grabbed　the　acceptance　letter　off　his　desk　and　thrust　it　toward　her；　buzzing　with　anticipation。　He’d　memorized　every　word。

Vanessa　scanned　the　document　while　Dan　watched。　He　noticed　a　sparkly　barrette　sweeping　a　lock　of　hair　behind　her　left　ear。　Vanessa　never　used　to　wear　jewelry。

She　also　never　used　to　have　hair。

Finally；　Vanessa　looked　up；　a　faint　smile　playing　on　her　full　red　lips。　“Does　this　mean　you’re　not　going　back　to　Evergreen？”

Dan　nodded　happily　as　he　closed　up　the　space　between　them　and　pressed　her　back　against　the　doorframe。　“I　hated　Evergreen。　All　I　could　do　was　think　about　you；　and　about　us。　I　couldn’t　write　without　you。　I　need　you；”　he　said。　How　did　long…distance　relationships　ever　work？　He　could　hardly　stand　to　be　in　a　different　room　than　Vanessa。

“I　know；”　Vanessa　murmured。　Dan’s　breath　was　hot　against　her　cheek。　Had　Dan　really　spent　every　waking　moment　at　Evergreen　just　thinking　about　her　and　wanting　to　e　home？　She　knew　he　hated　it　there；　but　hadn’t　he　even　tried　to　like　his　classes？　To　make　friends？

“So；　I　was　thinking　we　could　live　here　until　we　find　a　place。　We　could　get　a　studio　downtown。　It　wouldn’t　be　that　expensive；”　Dan　mused；　running　his　fingers　through　Vanessa’s　short　hair。　It　was　silky　and　unfamiliar；　but　Dan　instantly　loved　it；　just　like　he　loved　every　part　of　her。

Vanessa　nodded；　trying　to　imagine　living　with　Dan。　They’d　tried　a　few　times　last　year　for　short　periods　of　time；　but　it　had　never　really　worked。　One　of　them　would　always　get　moody　or　jealous。　But　maybe　now　that　they　were　in　college；　it　would　be　different？　

“And　we　can　arrange　our　schedules　together。　There’s　this　one　class　at　Columbia　called　The　Poetry　of　Film　that　I　was　thinking　of　taking。　Maybe　you　could　take　it　as　a　visiting　student？　Or　maybe　you　could　transfer。”　His　hand　grazed　the　hem　of　her　black　long…sleeve　thermal　top。

“Transfer？”　Vanessa　pulled　back　slightl