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“She’s　not　that　young；”　Blair　scoffed。　After　all；　Jenny　Humphrey　was　a　freshman　in　college。　When　Blair　had　been　a　freshman；　she’d　practically　turned　down　a　marriage　proposal。

“Well；　whatever；　she　has　time；”　Serena　said　loyally；　draining　her　glass　of　wine。　She　put　her　knife　and　fork　to　the　side　of　her　plate。　It　was　nice　that　she　and　Blair　were　talking　like　normal　people。　In　fact；　it　was　just　nice　to　be　talking　to　someone　who　wasn’t　Dan。　Every　Thursday　after　her　Madness　and　Literature　class；　she’d　take　the　train　into　the　city　and　she　and　Dan　would　stay　holed　up　in　his　tiny　bedroom　until　Sunday　evening；　venturing　out　only　to　Lincoln　Plaza　to　see　a　movie　or　to　the　diner　on　the　corner　for　breakfast。　She　loved　Dan　and　loved　spending　time　with　him；　but　she　sometimes　felt　they　were　missing　out　on　something。

Um；　like；　life？

“Actually；　it　is　kind　of　weird；”　Serena　decided；　watching　the　way　Jenny　was　gazing　adoringly　up　at　Nate。　She　wasn’t　annoyed　to　see　Nate　with　Jenny—in　a　weird　way；　it　made　sense。　But　she　did　care　that　Jenny　was　getting　so　caught　up　with　playing　house　when　she　still　had　all　of　college　in　front　of　her；　and　that　Nate　didn’t　seem　interested　in　anything　besides　taking　care　of　Jenny。

Blair　gazed　at　her　little　brother；　Tyler；　across　the　room。　He　was　sixteen；　and　had　grown　up　from　being　a　weirdo　little　Cameron　Crowe–obsessed　kid　to　kind　of　a　cool　guy。　A　smile　played　on　her　lips。

“What　are　you　thinking？”　Serena　nervously　chewed　her　bottom　lip。　With　Blair；　you　never　knew。

Behind　them；　the　servers　cleared　their　plates　away；　making　room　for　the　dessert　course。　“Tyler　doesn’t　have　a　girlfriend；”　Blair　began。

Tyler　was　cute。　He　was　skinny；　with　shaggy　hair；　and　looked　like　the　downtown　DJ　he　was；　Serena　thought。　And　he　was　a　really　good　kid。

“I’ll　have　Tyler　e…mail　her　and　invite　her　to　one　of　his　events；”　Blair　announced。　“He　needs　a　girlfriend。　He　sometimes　turns　his　dirty　socks　inside　out　and　then　wears　them；　because　he　thinks　that　means　they’re　clean。”

Serena　burst　into　laughter。　“Dan　used　to　do　that；　too！”　she　squealed。

Dick　Cashman　peered　over　at　the　two　girls。　“Can　you　little　ladies　let　me　in　on　the　joke？　Sounds　like　a　good　one！”

“Meow　meow；”　Blair　responded；　choking　on　her　wine。

Serena　spat　her　wine　onto　her　plate。　It　was　exactly　like　those　times　when　they　used　to　ride　the　Madison　Avenue　bus；　speaking　to　each　other　in　fake　foreign　languages　and　annoying　everyone　on　the　bus。

“We　have　to　be　excused；”　she　gasped　between　snorts；　dragging　Blair　out　onto　the　terrace。

“Oh　my　God；　I　haven’t　had　this　much　fun　in　months！”　Serena　yelled。　She　tried　to　remember　why　she’d　been　so　angry　at　Blair　last　year。　Why　had　Nate　been　so　important　to　both　of　them？　Why　had　they　dropped　the　most　important　relationship　of　their　lives：　them？　

“To　us！”　Blair　said；　holding　out　her　wine　glass；　as　if　reading　Serena’s　mind。　The　two　girls　clinked　glasses　in　the　crisp　night　air。

We’ll　see　how　long　this　peace　treaty　lasts…。

good　things　e　in　small　packages

Vanessa　pulled　on　her　leather　bomber　jacket；　bracing　herself　to　leave　the　house。　The　idea　of　staying　in　was　incredibly　tempting；　especially　since　she　had　the　Humphreys’　apartment　all　to　herself：　Dan　was　at　some　fancy　Wele　to　Iowa　reception　at　the　Metropolitan　Club；　Jenny　was　out　with　her　boyfriend；　and　Rufus　was　celebrating　an　early　Christmas　with　his　anarchist　group　at　the　KGB　Bar　downtown。

Although　she’d　been　living　in　the　Humphrey　apartment　for　almost　a　year；　she　rarely　spent　the　night；　especially　on　the　weekends　when　Dan　and　Serena　were　cozied　up　in　his　bedroom。　Instead；　she’d　crash　with　film　school　friends　in　their　overcrowded　Crown　Heights　or　Greenpoint　apartments；　or　offer　babysitting　for　Moxie　in　exchange　for　couch　space　at　Ruby　and　Piotr’s　apartment　in　Prospect　Heights。

Vanessa　grabbed　her　purse　from　the　couch　and　headed　for　the　door。　She　was　going　to　see　Hollis’s　film；　Rowing　to　Reykjavík。　She　and　Hollis　hadn’t　really　talked　since　last　year；　although　they’d　seen　each　other　at　parties　and　always　said　hello。　She　felt　like　she　owed　it　to　him—and　to　herself—to　at　least　see　the　movie。　She　was　curious　to　see　how　the　story；　which　had　started　out　as　her　life　story　and　quickly　became　the　furthest　thing　from　it；　would　end。

She　flung　open　the　apartment　door　and　came　face…to…face　with　a　man　wearing　a　brown　uniform；　an　envelope　in　his　hand。　“Looking　for　a　Vanessa　Abrams？　You’re　my　last　delivery。　Glad　you’re　here；”　he　said。　Vanessa　nodded　in　confusion。

“Here　you　go。”　He　thrust　a　thin　envelope　at　her。　Vanessa　took　it　with　trembling　hands。　Suddenly；　she　realized　exactly　what　she　was　holding。　Back　in　November；　she’d　applied　for　a　two…year　film　fellowship　in　Indonesia。　She　hadn’t　realized　they’d　be　mailing　decisions　so　soon。

“Thanks。”　She　wasn’t　sure　if　she　should　open　it　right　away　or　wait。　But　what　was　she　waiting　for？　And　would　they　really　UPS　a　rejection？

“Can　you　sign？”　the　deliveryman　asked　impatiently；　oblivious　to　Vanessa’s　internal　turmoil。

“Oh；　sure。”　Vanessa　hastily　scrawled　a　signature　and　yanked　the　envelope　open。

“Happy　holidays；”　the　delivery　guy　said　as　he　turned　away。　But　Vanessa　wasn’t　listening。　She　pulled　a　packet　of　papers　from　the　envelope。　A　single　sheet　fell　out　and　fluttered　to　the　hardwood　floor。　Vanessa　grabbed　it；　noting　the　purple　Filmmakers　for　Change　crest　at　the　top　of　the　page　and　read　the　first　sentence：　Dear　Ms。　Abrams；　We　are　pleased　to　offer　you　a　Filmmaker　for　Change　grant　for　your　proposed　project　in　Indonesia。…

The　rest　of　the　sentences　swam　together　on　the　page　as　Vanessa　shrieked　in　excitement。　A　Filmmaker　for　Change　grant　was　notoriously　hard　to　get；　which　was　why　she’d　practically　forgotten　about　sending　in　the　application。　She　hadn’t　wanted　to　get　her　hopes　up。　But　now；　her　future　spread　out　before　her　like　a　promising　sunrise。　Instead　of　drifting　from　one　production　assistant　job　to　another；　she　was　going　to　be　working　on　her　own　project　in　the　place　where　film　originated。　Which　was　way　better　than　Iceland。　

“Yes！”　she　yelled；　her　voice　echoing　down　the　stairwell。　She　was　so　busy　jumping　up　and　down　on　the　landing　in　glee；　she　didn’t　even　notice　the　sound　of　footsteps　on　the　stairs。

“Are　you　working　out　or　something？”　Dan　asked　nervously　as　he　reached　the　landing。　Although　he　and　Vanessa　were　perfectly　cordial　toward　each　other；　being　roommates　had　its　awkward　moments；　like　the　one　time　last　spring　Vanessa　had　burst　into　Dan’s　bedroom　to　look　for　her　old　camera　equipment；　only　to　find　Serena　and　Dan　entwined　on　his　bed。

Vanessa　spontaneously　threw　her　arms　around　Dan’s　skinny　waist。　“I　got　the　fellowship！　I’m　going　to　Indonesia！　I’m　a　fucking　filmmaker　for　change！”　she　screamed　into　his　ear；　her　voice　echoing　in　the　stairwell。　She　felt　Dan’s　body　stiffen　and　she　immediately　let　go。　“Sorry；”　she　said　sheepishly。

“No；　congratulations！”　Dan　said；　a　smile　crawling　across　his　face。　“I’ve　never　seen　you　jump　up　and　down　like　this。　What　is　it　for？”

“Oh　my　God；　I’m　freaking　out！”　Vanessa　exhaled　and　tried　to　pose　herself。　She　gripped　the　iron　railing　for　support。　In　her　excitement；　she’d　forgotten　that　Dan　would　have　no　clue　what　she　was　talking　about。　She　hadn’t　told　anyone　she’d　applied。　And　she　and　Dan　hadn’t　really　talked　much　in　the　last　year。

“I　need　some　fresh　air！　e　outside　with　me？”　Vanessa　asked；　practically　running　down　the　winding　staircase。　She　threw　open　the　front　door　and　took　big　gulps　of　cold　air。　“Woo…hoo！”　she　yelled　into　the　night　sky。

“Wait；　so　you’re　going　to　Indonesia？”　Dan　asked；　slightly　out　of　breath　from　running　after　her。

“Yeah！　I　applied　for　a　grant　to　make　my　own　film　in　Indonesia。　It’s　where　film　was　born。”

“Wow；”　Dan　said；　impressed。　“That’s　fucking　huge！　Congrats。”

“Thanks。”　Vanessa　smiled　shyly。　“I　can’t　believe　I’m　going　to　be　moving　to　Indonesia　in　less　than　six　months。”

Dan　believed　it　though。　Vanessa　was　so　smart　and　motivated。　It　was　really　nice　to　see　her　get　something　she　obviously　wanted　so　badly。

“Let’s　go　somewhere　to　celebrate；”　Dan　decided。　Vanessa　deserved　it。

Vanessa　smiled　giddily。　For　a　second；　she　imagined　what　Hollis　would　say　if　he　heard　about　the　grant；　but　then　she　pushed　the　thought　out　of　her　mind。　She　didn’t　need　him　anymore。　“Can　we　go　to　that　hummus　place？　I’m　starving！”

“Sure。”　Dan　turned　on　his　heel；　heading　toward　the　hole…in…the…wall　on　the　corner　that　had　a　different　name　every　month。　He　loved　that　Vanessa　considered　hummus　celebratory。　“I’m　hungry　too。　They　just　had　those　teeny…tiny　chicken　skewers　and　pigs　in　a　blanket　at　the　Iowa　thing。”

Vanessa　wrinkled　her　nose。　“Besides　that；　how　was　it？”　She　asked　as　she　fell　into　step　with　Dan。　She’d　forgotten　he　wouldn’t　be　in　New　York　next　year；　either。

“It　was　amazing；”　he　told　her　eagerly。　“A　couple　of　the　professors　were　there；　and　it’s　really　intense。　These　are　all　guys　who’ve　won　Pushcarts　and　been　short…listed　for　the　National　Book　Award。”　He　shrugged　and　opened　the　door。　The　restaurant　was　empty　except　for　one　lone　employee　behind　the　counter。　“I　just　can’t　wait　to　really　work　with　them；　you　know？　Just　immerse　myself　in　writing；”　he　said　as　he　sat　at　one　of　the　rickety　tables　in　the　corner。

“I’ll　order。　I　know　what　you　always　get。”　Vanessa　headed　to　the　counter　and　returned　with　a　tray　laden　with　pita　bread　and　bowls　of　hummus；　and　falafel　balls。　Dan　took　a　bite　of　falafel；　then　passed　the　rest　to　Vanessa。　Vanessa　smiled。　They　always　used　to　share　food。

“Sorry；”　Dan　pulled　his　hand　back；　as　if　he　saw　Vanessa’s　hesitation　as　rejection。

“No；　I　want　it；”　she　said；　accepting　the　half…eaten　falafel。

“So；　are　you　really　ready　to　leave　New　York？”　Dan　asked。　It　was　weird　to　think　about　Vanessa　leaving。　Even　though　he　hadn’t　really　spent　any　time　with　her　in　the　past　year；　it　had　been　forting　to　see　her　camera　on　the　counter；　her　army　green　messenger　bag　by　the　door；　her　boxes　of　Sleepytime　tea　in　the　cabinets。

“I　won’t　know　until　I’m　gone；”　Vanessa　replied。　“How　’bout　you？”

Dan　shrugged　his　reply。　A　fortable　silence　fell　between　them　as　they　ate。　They　were　always　able　to　talk；　or　not　talk。　Sometimes　Serena　would　assume　that　he　was　angry　if　he　didn’t　say　something　all　the　time。

It　was　nice；　just　sitting　at　a　hole…in…the…wall　restaurant　on　Broadway；　splitting　a　late…night　snack。　It　reminded　him　of　a　time　when　everything　was　easy　and　safe。　He　randomly　thought　of　a　Proust　quote　he’d　read　in　one　of　his　lit　classes：　The　true　paradises　are　ones　we　have　lost。

Does　that　mean　there’s　trouble　in　his　current　paradise？

time　to　party…

From：　Tyler@DJTyRo。

To：　jenniferthumphrey@risd。edu

Subject：　party

Hey　Jenny；

It　was　cool　to　meet　you　at　my　mom’s　place　last　night。　Wanted　to　let　you　know　that　I’m　spinning　at　the　Plastic　Party　People　Party　on　Saturday。　It’s　at　Filter；　on　Fourteenth　and　Tenth；　starting　at　midnight。　Bring　friends；　you’re　on　the　list。

—Ty

From：　jenniferthumphrey@risd。edu

To：　Tyler@DJTyRo。

Subject：　Re：　party

Dear　Tyler；

It　was　great　meeting　you　too！　Your　party　sounds　like　a　ton　of　fun；　but　my　boyfriend　already　got　us　tickets　to　see　The　Nutcracker　that　night。　Break　a　leg　or　a　disc　or　whatever　the　DJ　term　for　good　luck　is！

—Jenny

the　best　presents　are　surprises

“Thanks；　Mom；”　Serena　said　as　she　pulled　a　pair　of　strappy　silver　and　blue　Jimmy　Choos　from　out　of　a　brightly　wrapped　box。　It　was　ten　o’clock　on　Christmas　morning；　and　the　family　had　already　had　a　formal　Christmas　breakfast　in　the　dining　room。　She　tried　to　conceal　a　yawn。　She　hadn’t　slept　at　all　last　night。

“I　thought　that　color　would　look　great　with　your　eyes。　And　I’m　sure　you’ll　have　so　many　events　to　go　to　next　year。”　Lily　van　der　Woodsen　looked　fondly　at　her　daughter　from　a　club　chair　in　the　corner　of　the　living　room。　Now　that　Serena　and　Erik　were　grown　up；　they　no　longer　opened　presents　at　dawn　beside　the　towering　tree　in　the　living　room。　Instead；　they　opened　a　few　small　expensive　trinkets；　after　breakfast。

Serena　took　a　swig　of　coffee。　In　truth；　she　probably　wouldn’t　have　any　events　to　go　to　next　year　in　Iowa。　Except　maybe　poetry　readings。

Last　night；　aft