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rena　were　smoking　Merits　on　the　steps　of　the　Met；　they　came　up　with　the　theory　that　you　had　an　almost　psychic　connection　to　anyone　you’d　ever　kissed。　If　you　really　concentrated；　you　could　almost　sense　where　they　were　in　geographic　relation　to　you。　And　right　now；　Nate　felt　very　far　away。

Time　to　rethink　that　hypothesis。

Besides；　why　did　it　matter？　She　was　happy。　Sure；　she　didn’t　go　out　all　night　and　dance　until　dawn；　but　there　was　something　to　be　said　for　the　simple　life：　arguing　with　Pete　about　what　movies　to　put　on　their　Netflix　queue　or　whether　to　order　Chinese　or　sushi　on　a　Friday　night。　It　all　seemed　so…　normal。

If　you’re　into　that　sort　of　thing。

They　exited　the　restaurant　and　walked　out　to　the　curb。　Pete　tentatively　held　up　his　hand　to　hail　a　cab。

“Not　like　that；　like　this！”　Blair　stepped　forcefully　out　onto　the　street　and　threw　her　hand　in　the　air。　“You　have　to　be　aggressive。　Rule　number　one　of　living　in　New　York！”　Blair　smiled　happily。　She　looked　uptown　and　saw　the　Empire　State　Building；　still　decorated　in　red；　green；　and　white　lights　for　Christmas。　Around　them；　pedestrians　were　traveling　in　merry　packs；　wearing　Happy　New　Year　headbands　and　blowing　those　totally　annoying　noisemakers；　even　though　there　was　still　an　hour　to　go　until　the　ball　dropped。　“Happy　New　Year！”　She　squeezed　Pete　impulsively　as　a　taxi　roared　to　the　curb。

The　cab　easily　navigated　the　short　distance　from　the　tangled　streets　of　the　West　Village　to　the　wide　streets　of　Tribeca　and　dropped　them　off　in　front　of　the　purple　awning　of　the　Tribeca　Star　hotel；　where　they　had　checked　in　earlier　in　the　day。

Blair　confidently　led　Pete　to　the　elevator　bank；　where　two　girls　were　also　waiting；　looking　miserable　and　cold　in　matching　backless　dresses　and　five…inch　heels。　Blair　smiled　benevolently　at　the　younger　girls；　feeling　infinitely　superior　and　happy　that　she　was　so　beyond　the　stage　of　dressing　for　shock　value　at　parties。　It　had　never　been　her　thing—Serena　had　always　been　the　one　to　goad　her　into　dressing　scandalously；　like　the　time　they　showed　up　at　a　Valentine’s　party　without　underwear。

That’s　one　tradition　not　worth　revisiting。

“After　you；　ladies；”　Pete　said　as　the　elevator　door　slid　open。　Once　they　reached　the　ninth　floor；　Blair　and　Pete　followed　the　younger　girls　into　the　Bass　suite。　Blair’s　eyes　adjusted　to　the　dim　light。　It　looked　just　like　all　the　dozens　of　other　parties　she’d　been　to　at　the　suite：　The　hot　tub　was　overcrowded　with　half…dressed　girls；　couples　were　making　out　on　the　leather　couches；　and　the　lonely；　dateless　girls　were　all　clustered　around　the　makeshift　bar；　desperately　trying　to　make　eye　contact　with　any　guy　who　passed　their　way。

“So；　who　is　everyone？”　Pete　asked　affably；　smiling　at　the　room　in　general。

Blair　frowned；　trying　to　spot　any　familiar　faces　in　the　crowd。

“Let’s　see…”　she　began；　before　trailing　off　in　disbelief。　Framed　perfectly　by　the　floor…to…ceiling　window　that　overlooked　downtown　New　York；　she　saw　Serena—kissing　someone。　She　could　only　see　the　guy’s　back；　and　Serena’s　blond　hair　obscured　her　face。　Her　white　halter　top　was　blindingly　bright　against　the　sea　of　black　outside　the　window　and　her　long；　tanned　limbs　were　clenched　against　the　guy’s　back。　She　looked　like　she　was　trying　to　devour　him。

For　a　split　second；　Blair　was　transfixed。　Then；　as　if　stepping　closer　and　closer　to　an　Impressionist　painting；　Blair　noticed　the　messy　golden　hair；　the　easy　posture；　the　Stan　Smith　canvas　sneakers。

“Blair？”

She　heard　Pete　say　her　name；　but　she　didn’t　respond。　She　couldn’t　blink。　Serena’s　chin　was　tilted　upward；　and　her　eyes　were　half　closed。　She　looked　totally　blissful。　Just　then；　the　pair　pulled　apart　and　Blair　saw　Nate’s　face。　He　was　smiling　happily　and　staring　at　Serena　like　the　party　didn’t　exist；　like　the　lame　Justin　Timberlake　song　wasn’t　playing　on　the　sound　dock；　like　the　L’école　girls　in　the　hot　tub　weren’t　shrieking。　It　was　like　Nate　and　Serena　were　in　their　own　little　world。

Blair　felt　like　she　was　going　to　throw　up。　How　the　fuck　had　this　happened？　Were　they　dating？　And　how　could　they　just　stand　there；　making　out　like　that；　oblivious　to　the　entire　world？

“We　have　to　go。”　She　dug　her　fingernails　tightly　into　Pete’s　wrist。

“Ow！”　Pete　yanked　his　hand　out　of　Blair’s　grip。　“What　are　you　doing？”

“Leaving；”　Blair　announced。　“I　don’t　feel　well。”　She　would　throw　up　if　she　stayed　an　extra　minute。　She　needed　to　get　out。　She　pushed　her　way　past　a　gaggle　of　high　school　girls　standing　in　a　tight　circle；　not　even　noticing　when　she　knocked　one　of　the　girl’s　drinks　out　of　her　hand　and　onto　the　bodice　of　her　ugly　pink　dress。

And　that’s　what　she　does　to　people　who　aren’t　making　out　with　her　exes。

Blair　and　Pete　wordlessly　rode　the　elevator　up　to　the　eleventh　floor。　Blair　ran　down　the　carpeted　hallway　and　into　their　suite；　where　they’d　gotten　dressed　only　a　couple　of　hours　before。　She　stalked　over　to　the　minibar　and　pulled　out　a　tiny　bottle　of　Absolut；　unscrewed　the　cap；　and　drank　it；　not　caring　that　she　looked　like　an　unstable　alcoholic。

“What　would　you　like　to　drink？”　she　asked；　trying　to　stop　her　voice　from　shaking。

“Blair；”　Pete　said　firmly。

“What？　The　party　was　lame　anyway。　I　think　we　should　just　celebrate　here。　And　I　have　stomach　cramps；”　she　lied。　“Anyway；　do　you　want　vodka？　Or　Jack　Daniel’s？”

“Blair。”　Pete　wrapped　his　strong　arms　around　her　waist　and　dragged　her　away　from　the　minibar。　“Look　at　me。”

He　pulled　her　onto　the　edge　of　the　bed　and　cupped　Blair’s　chin。　It　was　a　tender；　sweet　gesture　he　did　dozens　of　times　a　day；　but　now；　his　touch　made　her　recoil。　The　tears　that　were　threatening　to　fall　sprang　from　her　eyes。

“I’m　fine；”　Blair　squeaked。

“No；　you’re　not；”　Pete　said　gently。　“Last　year；　it　was　Tiffany；　this　year　it’s　New　Year’s。　I　don’t　understand；”　he　said；　a　note　of　suspicion　evident　in　his　otherwise　concerned　voice。

“It’s…”　Blair　sighed。　“I’m　just　so　tired；”　she　said　finally。　She　wanted　to　tell　Pete　how　much　seeing　Serena　and　Nate　had　shaken　her。　Being　back　in　New　York　was　like　pulling　a　gigantic　Band…Aid　off　her　whole　fucking　life；　exposing　the　raw；　oozing　parts　of　her　past　that　hadn’t　healed。

Pete　kept　his　gaze　on　Blair。　“Help　me　understand；”　he　said　slowly。

Blair　looked　from　the　flat…screen　television　mounted　against　the　wall　to　the　black　and　granite　wet　bar　in　the　next　room。　She　usually　loved　hotels；　but　now　everything　seemed　too　sterile；　too　anonymous。　She　wished　they　were　back　in　their　cluttered　New　Haven　rental。

Blair　kicked　off　one　Sigerson　Morrison　pump；　then　the　other；　and　folded　her　legs　under　her　on　the　bed。　She　had　to　tell　him。　He’d　met　her　weird　mom　and　her　gross；　fat　stepfather。　He’d　spent　hours　taking　pictures　of　Blair　and　her　toddler　sister；　Yale；　playing　in　the　pool　in　the　backyard　of　her　family’s　Pacific　Palisades　home。　He　knew　her。

Blair　took　a　deep　breath。　“I　saw　my　ex。　Making　out　with　my　best　friend。　And　we’re　not　together　anymore；　obviously。”　Blair　mustered　a　weak　laugh　that　came　out　like　a　bark。　“But　it　was　still　weird…　hard；　I　guess；”　she　added。

A　cloud　had　passed　over　Pete’s　usually　open　face。

“Do　I　know　who　this　ex　is？”　Pete　asked；　taking　his　hand　off　hers。

“It’s　Nate。　It　was　Nate　and　Serena。”　Blair　said　simply。　She’d　talked　about　Nate　only　in　vague　terms；　usually　in　reference　to　a　story　from　when　they　were　kids。　Before　things　got　so　plicated。

“Nate；”　Pete　repeated。　“The　one　you　used　to　go　to　the　zoo　with。”

Blair　nodded；　trying　to　figure　out　what　she　should　say　next；　but　all　she　could　do　was　think　about　meandering　lazily　through　the　Central　Park　Zoo　with　Nate。　He’d　liked　the　penguins；　she’d　liked　the　polar　bears。　That　is；　until　Serena　decided　she　liked　the　polar　bears　more。　Serena　used　to　stand　in　front　of　the　habitat　talking　to　them；　as　if　she　knew　some　sort　of　secret　language　only　they　could　understand。　Blair　laughed　bitterly。　Why　did　Serena　have　to　pop　up　in　all　her　memories？

Maybe　because　she　was　there？

“We　were　all　friends；　and　then　in　tenth　grade；　Nate　and　I　started　dating。　And　then　that　summer；　when　I　was　in　Scotland　for　a　wedding；　Nate　and　Serena　slept　together；　and　I　didn’t　find　out　until　senior　year。”　A　fresh　sob　escaped　Blair’s　throat。　She　suddenly　recalled　how　she’d　first　found　out。　It　was　when　she　and　Nate　were　just　about　to　sleep　together　for　the　first　time。

“Do　you　still　have　feelings　for　him？”　Pete　asked。　Blair　cleared　her　throat　a　little　haughtily。　What　was　with　the　third　degree？　His　ex…girlfriend；　an　anthropology　bitch　named　Lindsey；　glared　at　Blair　whenever　they　crossed　paths　on　campus　and　Blair　never　plained。

Blair　stood　up　and　wavered　over　to　the　minibar。　She　was　determined　not　to　let　the　image　of　Serena　and　Nate　fuck　up　her　night。　And　what　better　way　than　to　have　another　drink？

“Are　you　still　in　love　with　him？”　Pete　pressed；　trailing　behind　her。

Blair　whirled　around；　a　mini　bottle　of　vodka　in　her　hand。　Why　couldn’t　he　just　let　it　go？　“No；”　she　said　flatly。　She　wasn’t　in　love　with　Nate。　She’d　moved　on。　She　had　Pete　now。　Duh。

“Okay；”　Pete　said　slowly。　His　blue　eyes　still　looked　slightly　wary；　but　he　wearily　ran　a　hand　through　his　thick　blond　hair。

“I’m　in　love　with　you；”　Blair　clarified。　It　was　true。　But　she　was　surrounded　by　all　these　feelings　from　her　high　school　past　and　it　was　hard　to　let　them　go　just　like　that。

“I　just　need　you　to　be　honest　with　me…。”　Pete　pushed　away　the　tumbler　of　vodka　impatiently。　“Just　tell　me　that　nothing　has　happened　between　you　since　high　school。”

Blair　looked　at　her　reflection　in　the　mirror　above　the　bar。　Her　chestnut　brown　hair　was　limp　around　her　face　and　her　black　La　Perla　bra　strap　had　inched　down　her　shoulder。　Her　small；　lean　face　was　blotchy　and　red。　And　still；　Pete　loved　her。　Real　couples　loved　each　other　no　matter　what。　He　needed　to　know　everything。　And　then　it　really　would　be　over。

She　ran　her　hands　through　her　hair　and　turned　around；　waiting　until　Pete’s　eyes　connected　with　hers。　“Last　winter　break；　Nate　and　I　hooked　up　on　New　Year’s；”　Blair　said　quickly。　“I　didn’t　even　know　he　would　be　in　New　York；　I　thought　he　was　sailing　around　the　world；　but　then　we　ended　up　at　the　same　party；　and　we　were　both　by　ourselves　and　you　were　in　Costa　Rica　and　‘no　ring；　no　bring；’　and　it　just　happened。　But　that　was　last　year；　it　only　happened　once；　and　now　it　seems　he　and　Serena　are　together；　so　good　for　them；”　Blair　finished。　There。　That　didn’t　sound　too　bad。　She’d　acknowledged　it　for　what　it　was：　a　dumb　mistake　that　would　never　happen　again。

Never　say　never…。

Blair　picked　up　her　glass　and　took　a　long；　relieved　sip。　She　felt　like　a　weight　had　been　lifted　from　her　chest。　“I’m　really　glad　I　told　you；”　Blair　confessed；　reaching　out　to　grab　Pete’s　hand。

Pete　yanked　his　arm　away　as　if　he’d　been　burned。　His　face　looked　ashen。　“You　mean；　you　slept　with　him；”　he　finally　choked　out。

“But　it　didn’t　mean　anything！”　Blair　said　quickly。　She　hadn’t　really　thought　through　what　her　confession　would　mean　to　Pete。　“It　was　just　a　dumb；　onetime　mistake　that　happened　because　a　lot　of　old　feelings　got　stirred　up。”

“You　cheated。”　Pete　shook　his　head　in　disbelief。　“Jesus　Christ；　I’m　a　fucking　idiot！　You　cheated　and　you　never　told　me。　I　gave　you　a　ring！”

“No！”　Blair　said　desperately。　She　had　to　make　him　understand　that　it　hadn’t　meant　anything。　“I　haven’t　thought　about　him　since；”　Blair　added；　her　voice　rising　hysterically。

“Bullshit。”　Pete　stood　up　and　paced　the　room。　“You　cheated　and　then　you　kept　it　a　secret。　How　do　I　know　this…　this　love　triangle　isn’t　always　going　to　e　back　to　haunt　you—to　haunt　me？”　Pete　shook　his　head　sadly。　He　looked　awful；　like　a　kid　who’d　just　seen　his　golden　retriever　puppy　get　run　over　by　a　car。　“I’m　going　to　take　a　train　to　Philly　and　stay　with　my　brother　for　a　bit。　I’ll　call　you。”

“Wait；”　Blair　screeched；　gripping　a　handful　of　the　dark　green　duvet。　She　couldn’t　believe　she　was　so　close　to　losing　Pete。　“Are　you　breaking　up　with　me？”

Pete　grabbed　his　small　wheeled　Tumi　suitcase　from　the　floor　and　paused　to　look　at　Blair。　“I　just　need　some　time　to　think；”　he　said；　a　little　bit　more　gently。　With　one　final　look；　he　headed　for　the