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kitchen；　Googling　Hollis。　She’d　found　out　he　ran　track　in　high　school；　that　his　mom　was　a　sociology　and　gender　studies　professor　at　UCLA；　his　dad　was　a　pioneer　in　philanthropic　microlending　to　developing　countries；　and　that　he’d　won　several　film　contests　as　an　undergrad。　He’d　also　showed　up　in　a　couple　Tribeca　Film　Festival　party　photos；　above　the　caption　“The　Sexy　Side　of　Celluloid。”

She　couldn’t　stop　thinking　about　him。　She　wondered　what　his　bedroom　looked　like　and　if　he　had　a　girlfriend　and　what　he　was　doing　now。　And；　of　course；　what　he　thought　of　the　kiss。

The　kiss。

It　shouldn’t　have　happened。　Vanessa　knew　that。　She’d　immediately　broken　it　off　and　run　all　the　way　down　the　four　flights　of　stairs　and　hailed　a　cab。　It　wasn’t　until　she　was　halfway　home　that　she’d　realized　she’d　left　her　video　camera　at　his　apartment。　She’d　sent　him　a　quick　e…mail　asking　him　to　drop　it　off　at　the　Cantor　Film　Center；　where　she’d　pick　it　up　next　semester；　but　hadn’t　heard　anything　back。　Which　was　a　good　thing。　Maybe　Hollis　regretted　the　kiss　just　as　much　as　she　did。　After　all；　Dan　would　be　back　in　a　few　days—back　for　good。　They　were　about　to　start　a　new　life　together。　Entertaining　a　crush　on　her　former　TA　was　not　a　promising　start。

The　loud　screech　of　the　buzzer　yanked　Vanessa　out　of　her　reverie。　She　slid　off　the　steel　stool　and　ran　over　to　the　ancient　inter　system。

“Hello？”　she　asked　curiously。　Maybe　it　was　one　of　Rufus’s　Beat　poet　friends。　They　sometimes　stopped　by　without　warning。

“Vanessa？”　a　gravelly　voice　asked。　Hollis。　Fuck。　Why　had　he　e　here？　Was　he　stalking　her？

Asks　the　girl　who’s　spent　the　entire　afternoon　on　a　Googlefest。

“Hey；”　Vanessa　said。　She　tried　to　sound　casual；　but　it　came　out　more　like　a　bark。

“I　have　your　camera。　Buzz　me　up？”　Hollis　yelled　into　the　inter。　Vanessa　looked　around　in　panic。　The　general　level　of　cleanliness　of　the　Humphrey　apartment　always　hovered　somewhere　between　dusty　and　disastrous；　and　it　was　closer　to　the　disastrous　end　of　the　spectrum　today。　With　Rufus　and　Dan　away；　Vanessa　had　gotten　lazy。　There　were　half…empty　mugs　of　tea　everywhere；　her　clothes　created　a　messy　trail　from　the　living　room　to　the　bedroom；　and　she　was　in　her　pj’s；　a　cut…up　black　sweatshirt　and　boy　shorts。

She　quickly　ran　into　the　bathroom　and　bed　her　fingers　through　her　short　black　hair。　Right　now；　the　back　was　misbehaving；　turning　up　in　a　little　ducktail　no　matter　how　many　times　she　smoothed　it　down。　She　frowned　as　she　noticed　a　deodorant　stain　on　the　outside　edge　of　her　sweatshirt。　She　hurriedly　threw　the　sweatshirt　on　the　floor　and　ran　into　her　bedroom。　She　rifled　through　the　dresser　drawer　and　picked　out　a　gray　long…sleeve　thermal　T…shirt　and　an　old　Marc　by　Marc　Jacobs　jean　skirt　she’d　co…opted　from　Blair　Waldorf　during　the　few　weeks　they’d　been　roommates　the　year　before。　She　just　finished　buttoning　the　skirt　when　she　heard　a　knock　on　the　door。

She　swung　open　the　door　and　stood　in　the　entrance。　Hollis　wore　a　messenger　cap　and　square　Prada　glasses。　His　gray　eyes　looked　slightly　tired；　like　he　hadn’t　gotten　a　good　night’s　sleep　in　a　few　days。

Vanessa　grinned　firmly；　but　kept　her　body　wedged　in　the　doorframe。　It　probably　wasn’t　a　good　idea　to　let　him　inside。

“Ever　heard　of　e…mail？”　she　challenged；　crossing　her　arms　over　her　chest。　In　her　haste　to　get　ready；　she　hadn’t　put　on　a　bra；　and　hoped　it　wasn’t　obvious。

Hollis　grinned。　Vanessa　tore　her　eyes　away　from　his　broad；　easy　smile。　“Hey　yourself；　Cinderella。”

“Sorry　about　that；”　Vanessa　apologized。　It　must　have　seemed　pretty　weird　when　she’d　run　away　at　the　stroke　of　midnight。

Hollis　gently　brushed　past　her　and　into　the　apartment；　surveying　the　surroundings。　A　large　abstract　charcoal　portrait　Jenny　had　done　of　Dan　and　Rufus　hung　above　the　lumpy；　mustard…yellow　couch。　“So；　this　is　your　place。”　The　way　Hollis　said　it；　she　couldn’t　tell　if　he　was　making　fun　of　her。

“Sort　of；”　Vanessa　said　defensively。　“I　mean；　I　live　with　my　friend’s　family。”

Doesn’t　she　mean　boyfriend’s　family？

“For　some　reason　I　always　thought　you　were　a　Williamsburg　girl。”　Hollis　shrugged　off　his　coat　and　hung　it　over　the　back　of　one　of　the　rickety　wooden　chairs　in　the　kitchen。　He　walked　over　to　the　floor…to…ceiling　bookshelf　in　the　corner　and　squinted　at　the　book　spines。

“Um；　I　used　to　live　in　Brooklyn；”　Vanessa　said　nervously。　What　was　her　problem？　Even　Jenny　at　her　most　awkward　would　have　had　more　poise。　“Anyway；　do　you　want　something　to　eat？”　she　asked　lamely。　She　needed　something　to　do　besides　stare　at　Hollis。

She　opened　the　fridge。　There　was　a　half…eaten　tub　of　hummus　that　had　turned　an　odd　green　color；　a　coagulation　of　some　sort　of　stew；　three　cans　of　a　strange　red　Bavarian　beer　Rufus　liked；　and　a　mysterious　protein　shake。　“Scratch　that！”　Vanessa　hastily　slammed　the　door　shut。　“Do　you　want　to　go　out　and　get　a　drink？　Or　a　snack？　The　diner　on　the　corner　has　really　good　cheese　fries；”　she　babbled。

“I　hope　you　don’t　mind；　but　I　watched　the　footage　on　your　camera；”　Hollis　said；　ignoring　her　nervous　chatter。　“It’s　really　fucking　good；　Abrams。”

Vanessa　blinked　in　confusion。　Hollis　sounded　like　her　TA　again。　Had　the　kiss　even　happened？

“Can　we　watch　it　together？　I’d　love　to　talk　to　you　about　it；”　he　prodded。

“Sure。　Sorry　it’s　a　mess。”　Vanessa　pushed　open　the　door　to　Dan’s　room　and　kicked　a　pile　of　dirty　laundry　away。　She　awkwardly　stuck　her　hands　in　the　pockets　of　her　skirt。　Dan’s　bags　from　Evergreen　were　stacked　against　the　wall；　and　the　bed　hadn’t　been　made。　She　knew　she　should　feel　weird　about　having　Hollis　in　the　apartment；　but　it　was　really　hard　to　think　about　Dan　when　she　could　sense　Hollis’s　eyes　on　her；　watching　her　every　move。

“I　like　it　here。　You　saw　my　apartment；　and　that　was　before　plete　party　carnage。　I’m　twenty…five　and　I　live　in　a　shithole。”　Hollis　busied　himself　with　attaching　the　camera　cables　to　the　puter；　then　sat　on　the　edge　of　the　bed　expectantly。　He　took　off　his　hat　and　ran　a　hand　through　his　thick　jet…black　hair。

“Okay；”　Vanessa　muttered；　pressing　play。　She　took　a　seat　on　the　floor；　as　far　away　from　Hollis　as　possible。　The　screen　sprang　to　life；　panning　out　from　a　MetroCard　stuck　to　the　floor　of　the　subway　car　to　a　homeless　man　on　the　plastic　orange　seats；　surrounded　by　all　of　his　belongings；　peacefully　reading　a　book。

Next；　the　camera　zoomed　wildly；　capturing　the　faces　of　people　as　they　were　rushing　to　the　subway。　Hollis　sat　up。　“This　is　my　favorite　part。”

“Really？”　Vanessa　asked；　flattered。　He’d　critiqued　her　work　before；　but　this　felt　so　much　more　personal。

The　bedroom　setting　can　have　that　effect。

“Yeah。　But　sometimes　you’re　so　removed。　I　just　want　to　know　more　about　your　subjects。　Why　you　chose　them。　Who　they　are；”　Hollis　mused　as　the　camera　jump…cut　from　an　old　lady　feeding　pigeons　in　Union　Square　to　a　group　of　revelers　spilling　out　from　the　subway。

Vanessa　continued　to　watch　as　the　camera　shakily　followed　two　girls　wearing　matching　silver　sequined　dresses　trip　up　the　First　Avenue　L　station　stairs。　From　their　backs；　you　couldn’t　tell　how　old　they　were。　They　looked　like　they　were　searching　for　danger。　

Hollis　tenderly　cupped　Vanessa’s　chin　and　pulled　her　into　him。　“This　is　what　I’ve　been　wanting　to　do　since　the　party；”　he　whispered。　She　felt　his　stubble　against　her　cheek。　They　weren’t　kissing；　but　their　lips　were　millimeters　apart。　Vanessa　leaned　in；　and　her　lips　touched　his。

Cut！

“We’ve　had　a　great　day　together；　haven’t　we；　sonny？”　The　truck　driver；　whose　real　name　was　Hank；　asked　as　he　rested　his　beefy　arm　on　Dan’s　shoulder。　The　truck　pulled　onto　the　West　Side　Highway。

Yeah；　right；　Dan　thought。　The　whole　time；　Hank　had　given　Dan　life　lessons　on　women。　“You　can　just　drop　me　off　at　Ninety…sixth　Street；”　Dan　said　hurriedly。　“Actually；　here’s　fine。”　Close　enough。

“Okay；”　Hank　said；　looking　disappointed　as　he　reached　over　Dan　to　open　the　door　of　the　truck。

“Thanks！”　Dan　yelled　as　he　slung　his　duffel　bag　over　his　shoulder　and　began　making　his　way　to　his　apartment　three　blocks　up。　New　York　was　freezing；　but　the　air　felt　redemptive。　He　felt　like　he　could　run　up　a　mountain。

He　bounded　up　the　stairs　two　at　a　time。　Maybe　it　had　been　the　outdoor　air；　but　he　barely　felt　winded　as　he　reached　the　fifth…floor　landing　outside　the　apartment。　Or　maybe　it　was　the　fact　that；　unlike　his　roommate　at　Evergreen；　who’d　hooked　up　with　almost　every　girl　in　the　Victoria　Woodhull　Vegan　Womyn’s　Co…Op；　Dan　would　never　have　to　go　through　his　life　uncertain　that　he　was　loved　and　in　love。　He　dug　into　his　khakis　and　found　his　keys；　held　on　a　simple　lanyard　key　chain　that　Jenny　had　made　one　summer　at　craft　camp。

He　opened　the　door　and　heard　the　muted　sound　of　a　film　playing　in　Vanessa’s　room。　He　couldn’t　wait　to　see　her　face　when　he　surprised　her。

“Honey；　I’m　hooooome！”　Dan　called　eagerly。　He　cracked　a　grin　at　how　simple　and　lovely　the　phrase　sounded。　He　swung　the　door　to　his　bedroom　open。

“Dan！”　Vanessa　was　lying　on　his　bed；　naked　save　for　her　red　boy　shorts　with　black　X’s　all　over　them。　But　she　wasn’t　alone。　She　was　with　a　guy。　An　equally　naked　guy。

Dan　gaped；　unsure　of　what　was　going　on。　Was　this　a　bad　joke　or　a　dream　or　some　weird　sweat　lodge　vision？

Vanessa　scrambled　out　of　bed　and　stood　up；　holding　the　blue　flannel　duvet　around　her　body。　“I　can　explain；”　she　stuttered　helplessly。　Her　face　was　flushed；　her　lips　looked　red　and　bee…stung；　and　her　dark　eyes　were　wide　and　confused。

“Who　the　fuck　is　that？”　Dan　heard　himself　asking。　He　felt　like　he　was　a　character　in　one　of　those　lame　romantic　edies　that　Jenny　loved。　In　just　a　second　he’d　find　out　that　this　wasn’t　Vanessa；　but　her　long…lost　twin；　who’d　sneaked　into　the　Humphreys’　house　to　hide　her　boyfriend　from　the　Feds。

Right。

“I’ll　leave　you　guys　alone；”　Hollis　said　bluntly。　He　shrugged　his　shoulders　and　pulled　on　his　T…shirt。　He　shot　Vanessa　one　last；　long　look；　and　then　stalked　out　of　the　bedroom　and　out　the　front　door。

Vanessa　felt　rooted　to　the　spot。　She　wanted　to　run　after　Hollis；　and　she　wanted　to　fort　Dan；　all　at　once。　This　was　very　bad。

The　understatement　of　the　year。

Dan　could　feel　the　tears　beginning　to　well　up　in　his　hazel　eyes。　He　felt　his　heart　clench。　Was　this　what　having　a　heart　attack　felt　like？

He　looked　around　for　something　to　throw。　He　needed　to　hear　something　shattering；　because　that　was　what　his　heart　was　doing　right　now。　He　picked　up　Vanessa’s　video　camera　and　hurled　it；　as　hard　as　he　could；　against　the　opposite　wall。　Instead　of　breaking；　it　bounced　onto　the　floor；　then　rolled　under　the　bed。

Art　is　indestructible。

“Fuck　you；”　Dan　shouted。　“And　by　the　way；　you　can’t　live　here　anymore！”

He　stormed　out　of　the　room　and　through　the　front　door　of　his　apartment；　slamming　the　door　behind　him；　and　hurtled　down　the　fire　stairs。　His　hands　were　shaking。　He　was　home；　but　he　felt　further　away　from　anything　he’d　ever　known。

Sometimes　home　is　where　the　heart　breaks。

that’s　what　makes　b　a　fighter

“Here’s　good！”　Serena　announced　to　her　driver　as　the　Lincoln　Town　Car　sailed　past　Nate’s　limestone　town　house　on　Eighty…second。　Normally；　Serena　was　embarrassed　that　her　agent　demanded　she　be　provided　a　town　car　for　transportation　to　and　from　Coffee　at　the　Palace　shoots；　but　today；　she　was　thankful　that　she　could　easily　slip　away　from　the　soundstage。

“Sure　thing；”　the　driver　said　easily。

Serena　slipped　out　of　the　car　and　bounded　up　the　snowy　steps　of　Nate’s　town　house。　As　she　ran；　she　didn’t　notice　the　fresh　set　of　footprints　on　the　snow　leading　up　to　the　door。

She　yanked　off　her　ugly　red　Hermès　goatskin　driving　gloves；　a　gift　from　her　chain…smoking　LA　publicist；　and　stuffed　them　in　the　terra…cotta　planter　sitting　to　the　left　of　the　entrance。　She　pressed　Nate’s　buzzer　with　her　red　polished　fingernails。　It　was　dark　outside；　and　the　freshly　falling　snow　made　Serena　feel　nostalgic。　Always　on　the　first　snowfall　of　the　year；　she；　Blair；　and　Nate　would　meet　for　hot　chocolate；　then　sit　on　the　steps　of　the　Met；　not　caring　how　cold　it　was。　Maybe　she　and　Nate　could　go　there　tonight。

“Hello？”　Nate’s　voice　sounded　sleepy。　Had　she　woken　him　up？

Not　really。

“Natie！”　she　yelled　into　th