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my name is red-厘議兆忖出碕-及47何蛍
酔楯荷恬: 梓囚徒貧圭�鮗� ○ 賜 ★ 辛酔堀貧和鍬匈 梓囚徒貧議 Enter 囚辛指欺云慕朕村匈 梓囚徒貧圭�鮗� ● 辛指欺云匈競何! 泌惚云慕短嗤堋響頼���誅卒亮茂�俊彭堋響��辛聞喘貧圭 "辺茄欺厘議箝誓匂" 孔嬬 才 "紗秘慕禰" 孔嬬��
^Hayriye�察�tell us a story�察院�said Orhan as he sat on his chamber pot。
^Once upon a time there was a blue man�察院 �said Hayriye�察 �and his closest
panion was a jinn。 ̄
^Why was the man blue�拭院�said Orhan。
^For goodness sake�察 �Hayriye�察院 �I said。 ^Tonight at least don¨t tell a story
about jinns and ghosts。 ̄
^Why shouldn¨t she�拭院 �said Shevket。 ^Mother�察 �after we fall asleep do you
leave the bed and go to be with Grandfather�拭院�
^Your grandfather�察�Allah protect him�察�is gravely ill�察院�I said。 ^Of course I go to
his bedside at night to look after him。 Then�察�I return to our bed�察�don¨t I�拭院�
^Have Hayriye look after Grandfather�察院�said Shevket。 ^Doesn¨t Hayriye look
after my grandfather at night anyway�拭院�
^Are you finished�拭院�Hayriye asked of Orhan。 As she wiped Orhan¨s behind
with a wet rag�察�his face was overe with a sweet lethargy。 She glanced into
the pot and wrinkled up her face�察�not due to the smell�察�but as if what she saw
wasn¨t sufficient。
^Hayriye�察院�I said。 ^Empty the chamber pot and bring it back。 I don¨t want
Shevket to leave the room in the middle of the night。 ̄
^Why shouldn¨t I leave the room�拭院�asked Shevket。 ^Why shouldn¨t Hayriye
tell us a story about jinns and fairies�拭院�
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^Because there are jinns in the house�察�you idiot�察院�Orhan said�察�not so much
out of fear�察 �but with the dumb optimism I always noticed in his expression
after he¨d relieved himself。
^Mother�察�are there jinns here�拭院�
^If you leave the room�察�if you attempt to see your grandfather�察�the jinn will
catch you。 ̄
^Where will Black lay out his bed�拭院 �said Shevket。 ^Where will he sleep
tonight�拭院�
^I¨m not sure�察院�I said。 ^Hayriye will be preparing his bed。 ̄
^Mother�察�you¨re still going to sleep with us�察�aren¨t you�拭院�said Shevket。
^How many times do I have to tell you�拭�I¨ll sleep together with you two as
before。 ̄
^Always�拭院�
Hayriye left carrying the chamber pot。 From the cabi where I¨d hidden
them�察 �I removed the remaining nine illustrations left behind by the
unspeakable murderer and sat on the bed。 By the light of a candle�察�I stared at
them for a long time trying to fathom their secret。 These illustrations were
beautiful enough that you might mistake them for your own forgotten
memories�察�and as with writing�察�as you looked at them�察�they spoke。
I¨d lost myself in the pictures。 I understood from the scent of Orhan¨s
beautiful head�察 �upon which I¨d rested my nose�察 �that he�察 �too�察 �was looking at
that odd and suspicious Red。 As occasionally happened�察�I had the urge to take
out my breast and nurse him。 Later�察 �when Orhan was frightened by the
terrifying picture of Death�察�gently and sweetly breathing through his reddish
lips�察�I suddenly wanted to eat him。
^I¨ll eat you up�察�do you understand me�拭院�
^Mama�察�tickle me�察院�he said and threw himself down。
^Get off there�察 �get up you beast�察院 �I screamed and slapped him。 He¨d lain
across the pictures。 I checked the illustrations�察�apparently no harm had e
to them。 The image of the horse in the topmost picture was faintly�察 �yet
unnoticeably�察�crumpled。
Hayriye entered with the empty chamber pot。 I gathered the pictures and
was about to leave the room when Shevket began to cry�此�
^Mother�拭�Where are you going�拭院�
228
^I¨ll be right back。 ̄
I crossed the freezing hallway。 Black was seated across from my father¨s
empty cushion�察 �in the same position that he¨d spent four days discussing
painting and perspective with him。 I laid out the illustrations on the folding
bookstand�察�the cushion and on the floor before him。 Color abruptly suffused
the candlelit room with a warmth and an astonishing liveliness�察 �as if
everything had been set in motion。
Utterly still�察 �we looked at the pictures at length�察 �silently and respectfully。
When we made even the slightest movement�察�the still air�察�which bore the scent
of death from the room across the wide hall�察 �would make the candle flame
flicker and my father¨s mysterious illustrations seemed to move too。 Had the
paintings taken on such significance for me because they were the cause of my
father¨s death�拭 �Was I mesmerized by the peculiarity of the horse or the
uniqueness of Red�察 �by the misery of the tree or the sadness of the two
wandering dervishes�察�or was it because I feared the murderer who¨d killed my
father and perhaps others on account of these illustrations�拭 �After a while�察�
Black and I fully understood that the silence between us�察 �as much as it
might¨ve been caused by the paintings�察�was also due to our being alone in the
same room on our wedding night。 Both of us wanted to speak。
^When we wake tomorrow morning�察 �we should tell everybody that my
hapless father has passed away in his sleep�察院�I said。 Although what I¨d said was
correct�察�it appeared as if I were being insincere。
^Everything will be fine in the morning�察院 �said Black in the same peculiar
manner�察�unable to believe in the truth of what he¨d spoken。
When he made a nearly imperceptible gesture to draw closer to me�察�I had
the urge to embrace him and�察�as I did with the children�察�to take his head into
my hands。
Just at that moment�察 �I heard the door to my father¨s room open and�察�
springing up in terror�察�I ran over�察�opened our door and looked out�此�By the light
that filtered into the hallway�察�I was shocked to see my father¨s door half open。
I stepped into the icy hallway。 My father¨s room�察�heated by the still´lit brazier�察�
reeked of decay。 Had Shevket or somebody else e here�拭�His body�察�dressed
in his nightgown�察 �rested peacefully�察 �bathed in the faint light of the brazier。 I
thought about the way�察 �on some nights�察 �I¨d say�察 �Have a good night�察 �dear
Father�察院�while he read the Book of the Soul by candlelight before going to sleep。
Raising himself slightly�察�he¨d take the glass I¨d brought him out of my hand
and say�察 �May the water bearer never want for anything�察院�before kissing me on
229
the cheek and looking into my eyes as he used to do when I was a girl。 I stared
down at my father¨s horrid face and�察�in short�察�I was afraid。 I wanted to avoid
looking at him�察�while at the same time�察�goaded by the Devil�察�I wanted to see
how gruesome he¨d bee。
I timidly returned to the room with the blue door whereupon Black made
an advance on me。 I pushed him away�察�more unthinkingly than out of anger。
We struggled in the flickering light of the candle�察 �though it wasn¨t really a
struggle but rather the imitation of a struggle。 We were enjoying bumping
into each other�察�touching one another¨s arms�察�legs and chests。 The confusion I
felt resembled the emotional state that Nizami had described with regard to
H┨srev and Shirin�此�Could Black�察�who¨d read Nizami so thoroughly�察�sense that�察�
like Shirin�察 �I also meant ^Continue ̄ when I said�察 �Don¨t bruise my lips by
kissing them so hard ̄�拭�
^I refuse to sleep in the same bed with you until that devil´of´a´man is
found�察�until my father¨s murderer is caught�察院�I said。
As I fled the room�察 �I was seized by embarrassment。 I¨d spoken in such a
shrill voice it must¨ve seemed I wanted the children and Hayriye to hear what
I¨d said!perhaps even my poor father and my late husband�察�whose body had
long decayed and turned to dust on who knows what barren patch of earth。
As soon as I was back with the children�察�Orhan said�察 �Mama�察�Shevket went
out into the hallway。 ̄
^Did you go out�拭院�I said�察�and made as if to slap him。
^Hayriye�察院�said Shevket and hugged her。
^He didn¨t go out�察院�said Hayriye。 ^He was in the room the entire time。 ̄
I shuddered and couldn¨t look her in the eyes。 I realized that after my
father¨s death was announced�察�the children would thenceforth seek refuge in
Hayriye�察�tell her all our secrets�察�and that this lowly servant�察�taking advantage of
this opportunity�察�would try to control me。 She wouldn¨t stop there either�察�but
would try to place the onus of my father¨s murder onto me�察�then she¨d have
the guardianship of the children passed on to Hasan� �Yes�察�indeed she would� �
All this shameless scheming because she¨d slept with my father�察�may he rest in
divine light。 Why should I hide all this from you any longer�拭�She was�察�in fact�察�
doing this�察�of course。 I smiled sweetly at her。 Then�察�I lifted Shevket onto my lap
and kissed him。
^I¨m telling you�察�Shevket went out into the hallway�察院�Orhan said。
230
^Get into bed�察�you two。 Let me get between you so I can tell you the story
of the tailless jackal and the black jinn。 ̄
^But you told Hayriye not to tell us a story about jinns�察院 �said Shevket。
^Why can¨t Hayriye tell us the story tonight�拭院�
^Will they visit the City of the Forsaken�拭院�asked Orhan。
^Yes they will� 院�I said。 ^None of the children in that city have a mother or a
father。 Hayriye�察 �go downstairs and check the doors again。 We¨ll probably be
asleep by the middle of the story。 ̄
^I won¨t fall asleep�察院�said Orhan。
^Where is Black going to sleep tonight�拭院�said Shevket。
^In the workshop�察院 �I said。 ^Snuggle up tight to your mother so we can
warm up nicely under the quilt。 Whose icy little feet are these�拭院�
^Mine�察院�said Shevket。 ^Where will Hayriye sleep�拭院�
I¨d begun telling the story�察 �and as always�察 �Orhan fell asleep first�察 �after
which I lowered my voice。
^After I fall asleep�察�you¨re not going to leave the bed�察�right�察�Mama�拭院�said
Shevket。
^No�察�I won¨t leave。 ̄
I really didn¨t intend to leave。 After Shevket fell asleep�察�I was musing about
how pleasurable it was to fall asleep cuddled up with my sons on the night of
my second wedding!with my handsome�察�intelligent and desirous husband in
the next room。 I¨d dozed off with such thoughts�察�but my sleep was fitful。 Later�察�
this is what I remembered about that strange restless realm between dreaming
and wakefulness�此 �First I settled accounts with my deceased father¨s angry
spirit�察�then I fled the specter of that disgraceful murderer who wanted to send
me off to be with my father。 As he pursued me�察�the unyielding murderer�察�even
more terrifying than my father¨s spirit�察�began making a clattering ruckus。 In
my dream�察�he tossed stones at our house。 They struck the windows and landed
on the roof。 Later�察 �he tossed a rock at the door�察 �at one point even trying to
force it open。 Next�察 �when this evil spirit began to wail like some ungodly
animal�察�my heart began to pound。
I awoke covered in sweat。 Had I heard those sounds in my dream or had I
been awakened by sounds from somewhere in the house�拭 �I couldn¨t decide�察�
and so snuggled up with the children�察�and without moving�察�I waited。 I¨d nearly
assured myself that the noises were only in my sleep when I heard the same
231
wail。 Just then�察�something large landed in the courtyard with a bang。 Was this
also a rock�察�perhaps�拭�
I was paralyzed with terror。 But the situation immediately got worse�此 �I
heard noises from within the house。 Where was Hayriye�拭�In which room had
Black fallen asleep�拭 �In what state was my father¨s pitiful corpse�拭 �My God�察 �I
prayed�察�protect us。 The children were deep asleep。
Had this happened before I was married�察 �I¨d have risen from bed�察 �and
taking charge of the situation like the man of the house�察�I¨d have suppressed
my fears and scared away the jinns and spirits。 In my present condition�察�
however�察�I cowered and hugged the children。 It was as if there were no one else
in the world。 Nobody was going to e to the aid of the children and me。
Expecting something awful to happen�察�I prayed to Allah for deliverance。 As in
my dreams�察�I was alone。 I heard the courtyard gate open。 It was the courtyard
gate�察�wasn¨t it�拭�Yes�察�absolutely。
I rose abruptly�察 �gra
酔楯荷恬: 梓囚徒貧圭�鮗� ○ 賜 ★ 辛酔堀貧和鍬匈 梓囚徒貧議 Enter 囚辛指欺云慕朕村匈 梓囚徒貧圭�鮗� ● 辛指欺云匈競何!
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